Other Lives Entangled
by veryloyalfan
Summary: Part 2 of the In Another Life Series: "Things are finally starting to settle back to normal. Unfortunately, I live in Danville, so that means I'm training in new recruits, dating my nemesis's little sister, and, oh yeah, meeting my birth parents. Normal stuff, right?" First person, human Perry AU.
1. The New Normal

I rolled behind the couch that really wouldn't have belonged in the lab, if my nemesis didn't live there. My head was spinning like mad, but I couldn't tell if that was from chasing Doof in circles for the past twenty minutes, or from being hit with his latest Surprise-Inator.

I didn't _feel_ surprised, just very disoriented, so I assumed it hit something else. I glanced around the room and spotted my fedora, which had fallen off mid-roll. Still feeling a bit dazed, I reached for it as Doof rushed away from the inator to see what it had hit.

He stopped in confusion. "A platypus?"

My head spun around at that. I guess it made sense. A platypus being randomly transported into the room would certainly be surprising. And not entirely useful. I slapped my hat on as I turned to face him.

He slapped the side of his face and pointed to me. " _Perry_ the platypus!"

I blinked up at him, which wasn't the strange part; I'm short, so unless I've just knocked him to the ground, I'm _always_ looking up at him. Just, not t _hat_ far up.

I glanced down at my hands with a gulp, and discovered that they were covered in short fur that was the same teal color as my hair. In fact, a _ll_ of me was, save my webbed feet, beaver tail, and duck bill. I scowled at him, putting my hands on my hips. _What the heck did you do to me?!_

A single tear had formed in the corner of Doof's eye as he tried desperately hard not to laugh.

I rolled my eyes, the shock wearing off quickly. It wasn't like it was the first time one of his inators had turned me into something.

The first couple steps I took towards him were wobbly, but you'd be surprised how much balance a tail can give you. I jumped up on the back of the couch, and punched Doof in the face, knocking the urge to laugh right out of him.

"Uh oh." With that, he took off running again, with me back on his heels. "I've created a _monster_!"

His younger sister entered the room, calmly sipping coffee and reading a magazine, pretty much ignoring the chaos. "How bad is it this time?"

I was used to using my smaller size to my advantage, so it still wasn't too hard to knock him to the ground, and get him in a headlock. "A little help, Hildie?"

She shook her head with a smile as she looked up. "You know our deal… what the heck did you do to Perry?!"

Hilda and Doof's non-interference deal didn't always work out. There had been more incidents where she couldn't keep quiet in the next room, and had come out to scold Doof herself, thus distracting him, and giving me the upper-hand, which I technically already had, but it allowed Doof to call foul. And then, just the other day, things had gotten awkward when Doof got his labcoat caught in the paper shredder. After I hit the self destruct button on his inator, the three of us stood there while Doof tried to pull his coat free.

Finally Hilda and I started forward, only to stop when we saw the other moving. Hilda had finally given up and helped him yank the coat free, but it was still a work in process.

At the moment, though, she was interfering in my favor again, so I started towards the inator.

"Perry, wait!"

I paused and turned towards her, wondering if she was actually going to try to add the disastrous 'time-out' back into the agreement.

"I'm not one to tell you how to do your job, but shouldn't you reverse the effects of the ray before destroying the inator?"

Right… I was still a platypus. I moved my hand away from the self destruct button, and looked for a reverse button. When I didn't find one, I turned to glare at Doof.

He rolled his eyes. "Why would I put a reverse button on my Surprise-Inator? I don't even know what that would do, because that would be the opposite of a surprise, like, an expected-inator, or something… I'm not even sure that would help you."

 _I could be stuck like this?!_

Hilda looked worried too. "Heinze, you have to fix this, and soon! Perry was taking me to dinner this afternoon."

 _With my family!_ I gulped as that sank in. If I was stuck as a platypus, what was I supposed to tell my family? Sorry, your brother's gone, but here's a platypus. Why not name him in his honor while you're at it?

Doof sighed, rubbing his head. "Oh _relax._ You two might have to take a rain-check on dinner, but I can fix this. I'll just have to make a back-to-human-inator, or something. Or, we could always hit you with the Surprise-Inator, and turn you into other things until it's a surprise that you're human again."

I shook my head at that plan. I'd rather be a platypus than a rock or a highly unconventional vehicle or something.

While Doof got to work on the inator, Hilda came over to me, and bent down to whisper, "Do you want me to call and tell them we'll be late?"

I checked the clock, and nodded. She grabbed the phone, and disappeared into the other room so that Doof wouldn't hear her call any of my family members by name.

Yes, it's dangerous having a nemesis who's sister knows my family, but there's literally nothing I can do about it, because she's immune to memory-wiping. (long story.)

She came back, and the three of us got to work on rewiring the inator to turn me back into a human.

Doof didn't leave the silence alone very long. "So, Crumbkin, are we _sure_ we want to reverse this? Just think! Instead of _dating_ Perry the agent, you could keep him as a pet! I mean, look at him! He makes such a cute little platypus! It's a shame to switch him back, don't you think?"

Hilda crossed her arms. "We are _not_ keeping Perry as a pet. One; because it's wrong. Two; because he has a life outside of D.E.I. and three; because he can get out of cages." With that she covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle a giggle.

I scowled at her, and she just laughed harder. "Well, you _are_ pretty cute as a platypus."

I sighed, figuring that was the best I was going to get, and waited for her to address Doof's dating comment. When she didn't I realized that, while we weren't technically 'dating' we weren't technically 'not dating' either. Meeting for lunch on occasion had somehow become something more than a friendship, and something less than… I don't know what.

I liked spending time with Hilda, and I trusted her around my family. I wasn't ready for anything more, so I was comfortable with the way things were.

"There!" A ray of light hit me, and suddenly, I shot up to my normal height. I actually stumbled forward a bit without the tail, but I was as relieved to be back to normal, as I was that I was still wearing my clothes.

Hilda hugged her brother, and I gave him a thumbs up, before pointing to the self destruct button.

"Yeah, I got this one. Curse you, Perry the agent."


	2. Dinner, Date?

I walked happily beside Perry… oh wait… were you expecting him? Sorry. It's me, Hilda. Perry asked me to help him write this. With A _nnie_ of course. Actually, I'm pretty sure he asked her first, just to rub salt in the wound.

See, I first met Perry three years ago when Heinz managed to get me out of Drusselstein. Up until then I'd been vaguely aware that he was an evil scientist, and that he fought a nemesis, but I'd never met the nemesis.

I won't say I fell in love the first moment he crashed in through the window, but he wasn't what I'd been expecting at all. I mean, who do you picture when you think of your older brother being thwarted on a daily basis?

I was still trying to figure out how America worked, and I had a million questions… and… oh, Perry's already told you about this? Sorry. I tend to get a bit rambley. Yes that's a word. Now.

Anyway, it wasn't love at first sight, but, for me, it didn't take long to develop a crush. That… rapidly evolved into something more. So, yeah, I was ecstatic that he was willing to spend time with me, and trying, really hard, to be content with that.

We had… I don't know, sort of an unspoken, mutual agreement to… take things slow? No clue, really. All I know is that Perry invited me out every now and then, but to call it dating seems a bit overzealous.

Right, I was walking happily beside Perry, heading to dinner with his family.

They are so great! Any family would seem great after mine, but honestly I can't tell you how… I'm getting off track again already. Let's see… you've _got_ to be up to date on the whole adopted by the Flynn-Fletcher family when he was seventeen thing, and you probably know a lot more about the O.W.C.A. than I do. Except, I hope you don't know more about their memory wiping room. No, I actually remember that, and if you were there, you probably wouldn't. Sorry. I guess not everyone has a photographic memory.

I am SO fired. But Perry hates doing recaps, and I'm assuming he's treating you like you've already read the first book. Let's be real here; if you haven't, you need more to go on. So that's where I come in.

Yeah, when we were going out, or just spending time together, I refused to worry about what we 'technically' were to each other. After all, whatever it was, it was just a word, and it had to be a _huge_ step for Perry to trust me around his family, so I wasn't going to rush him if I could help it.

I'm having trouble getting back to the story, because the walk was pretty boring. I mean, it was one of those walking along quietly on a sumer day, just enjoying eachother's company sort of walks. It was really nice, but there's not that much to tell. When we got to his house, his parents gave me a warm welcome while Candace grinned at us, and snapped of us with her phone. She was partially responsible for our first, well, 'date', and a total 'shipper'.

"Wait, wait… step back. Give 'em some space, people! That's it. Scoot a little closer. Hey, Per, put your arm around her shoulders… good… now kiss. No? Well you can't blame me for trying!" Some people find her annoying, but, needless to say, I don't mind the way she goes after her goals with reckless abandon. Usually. Her kissing suggestion had me blushing, and hoping that she wasn't going to send Perry running in the other direction, all at the same time.

Perry rolled his eyes at her, but he was smiling even as he did it. My secret agent adores his family, and he doesn't try to hide it. I won't say that it didn't hurt that the same comment that sped up my heartbeat was just a mild annoyance to him, but I'm really not as delusional as people think.

I'm the weird girl from Drusselstein that was cursed with the Doofenshmirtz nose. The fact that Perry is even willing to be s _een_ with me just goes to show you how wonderful he is. Problem is… it's things like that that make me fall for him even more, even though I know I'm running the risk of being seriously friend-zoned.

It's irritating as all get out, but I can't even try to hold it against him.

By this time, we'd made it to the kitchen, just as Phineas and Ferb came in through the back door. They made a beeline for their older brother, and he stooped to catch them in his arms. If that's not a heart melter, well, I just don't know what is.

We all settled in around the supper table, and for a moment, _nothing_ could have ruined the happy moment. See, for me, just seeing a happy, loving, _functional_ family is a joy, and it was _almost_ as nice to be included as it was to be sitting next to Perry.

The phone rang and his mom jumped up to get it. For some reason, that seemed to remind him I was there. He shot me a worried glance that broke into a relieved smile when he saw that I was just thrilled to be there.

"What?" Something about Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher's tone caught all of our attention.

Yeah… I said for a _moment._ Sometimes, that's all you get before something crazy happens. Especially in Danville.

We all waited for her to finish the call, and I didn't like the way she turned around to stare at Perry while she talked. So many things could have happened… someone on the other end f the line could be blowing his cover as a secret agent, or maybe someone already had… and he was being relocated!

I'd always been afraid that Perry might get assigned to a different nemesis, I mean… Heinze is a brilliant inventor, but he's hardly _dangerous_ , and he's _barely_ evil. But now that I knew what the stakes really were for Perry…

I glanced over at him, and found him staring right back at his mother; worry etched into his face.

I didn't know what to do, so I reached out and put my hand over his. It jumped him, and didn't do much more than jar his attention for a second or two, but he shot me a thankful smile that couldn't have been anything but forced, under the circumstances…

Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher hung up the phone, and took a steadying breath, then turned to smile at Perry. "That was the social worker who was in charge of handling your foster care and adoption for us."

Perry sucked in a little breath beside me. This could still be his boss relocating him, and even if it _wasn't_ …

She seemed to know that she was scaring him, and pretty much everybody at the table. Phineas and Ferb weren't even blinking, and Candace had had a forkful of food raised above her mouth ever since her mom had captured our attention.

"Everything's alright."

There was a collective sigh around the table. Even Perry relaxed a little.

"She was calling to let us know that… well, Perry… your birth parents have been in contact with her."

Nobody moved. Not even a little.

"They um… they want to meet you, sweetheart."

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks again, Maylinn17, for the idea to bring Perry's birth parents into the sequel! Can't wait to see where it leads!**


	3. Comfort Food

**Annie Jamison - A.K.A. Agent X - A.K.A. A.J.**

Yeah, I've got strange nicknames. My initials are straightforward enough, even though there's been some debate about whether the A stands for 'Annie' or 'agent'. And Agent X was Carl's idea. I'm the O.W.C.A.'s 'experimental agent', even though I've been around as long as _the_ Agent P himself. The reason I'm 'experimental' is partially because of the fact that I was never adopted into a host family, but mostly because Carl noticed that there were agents for every letter of the alphabet, except X, and he wanted to fix it. If you happen to know Carl… well, it all makes sense then.

There. That's enough of a backstory dump, because you're not here for me.

Don't feel bad, I'm just making an observation. And it all works out, because I'm here for Perry, too. Our stories got tangled together back when neither of us had _anybody_ in the whole world. After I'd completed my training without finding a host family, I'd asked (nagged, really)to be located near my best friend. So I live a couple of blocks away from the Flynn-Fletchers, well within walking distance, and it wasn't a surprise when Perry burst in through my front door looking upset.

I could tell immediately that this was more serious than normal, though. "Hey, buddy… what's wrong?"

He sat down on my couch, and stared straight ahead and refused to acknowledge me, letting his actions tell me that he needed a moment.

I made myself scarce and made myself useful by putting some water on to boil. It took a few minutes to boil the water and steep my special blend of comfort tea. I plated some super-chunk chocolate chip cookies from my cookie jar while I was at it. Perry looked like he could use all the comfort he could get right now.

I set the tray down in front of him, and sat down on the edge of the chair, studying him. He was thinking hard about something, but, thankfully, there weren't any tears in the corners of his eyes.

After a moment, he held out his phone.

' _My birth family wants to meet me.'_

"Wow." I handed the phone back to him. "That's a lot to process out of the blue. You okay?"

He nodded, and started hitting buttons on his phone again. He showed me the unfinished text, and shrugged. ' _What do I do? I mean…'_

"You've been wondering about them for so long, you'd given up hope of ever actually having answers."

He nodded, losing enough of the tension in his shoulders to reach out and grab a cookie. He chewed and swallowed, then took a sip of tea, eying me expectantly.

I laughed. "Well you've _got_ to meet with them."

Was that disappointment? Directed towards what? I mulled it over for a second. He already _knew_ that he'd have to at least try to meet with them, but he'd been hoping I'd say that he was wrong.

"Sorry, pal. But I know you well enough to know this will eat you inside out until you hear what they have to say."

He nodded, sipping at his tea.

"How are things going with Hilda?"

I thought maybe the subject change would do him some good, but the look he shot me said that this wasn't the time, so I backed off. "Do your parents know?"

He nodded, a half smile appearing, then vanishing again. Easy to read; he was grateful for the acknowledgment that no matter what happened, his family lived in a yellow house a couple blocks away, but he was worried about how they were taking all of this.

"They understand, Perry. They know that you have questions about where you came from just as much as they know that you belong to _them_. You don't have to choose between anybody. This is about meeting new family members. Not… giving up old ones. That just isn't how it works."

There. Relief flashed in his eyes, letting me know I'd gotten to the core of his discomfort. The past was less important to him than his family. When I'd met Perry, he'd wanted nothing more than to find his 'real' family. About a week after the Flynn-Fletchers had taken him in, all that had changed. He'd started to fear that they wouldn't keep him, and after they'd adopted him, he'd had nightmares about his birth parents showing up and taking him away. It was finally coming true for him, but he was overlooking one very important fact.

A soft chuckle escaped me. "You're twenty two years old. It's not like anyone can force you to leave home. Unless you're worried about your dad kicking you out or something."

His eyes twinkled and he stuffed the rest of the cookie into his mouth, sinking back into the couch with a grin.

I stood up and ruffled his teal hair before taking his empty teacup back to the kitchen. I rinsed it, and poured some milk in before bringing it back.

He accepted the cup and dunked a cookie. The grateful look in his eye had nothing to do with the snack, and I smiled back. "Any time. You know that."

He pursed his lips, and looked at me, hard.

It wasn't hard to guess what he was asking, and that was probably why he was asking it. "Of course I'll come with you."


	4. Words of Wisdom

**Perry**

Annie's pep talk helped as much as her pep talks usually do. I guess, deep down, I'd known it wouldn't change anything important but… I'd prefer to not run the risk of changing _anything._

But one way or the other, things would change. Only time would tell if it was going to be for better or worse.

My whole family offered to go with me, but in the end, I decided it might be best to face this first visit on my own.

Almost.

My nerves were in tangles, so we took Annie's car, and she was driving. Normally she would have been chatting away about her week, or sharing a funny work story, but the tension was getting to her, too. Just her presence was calming to me, though, because, she was the only one I knew who _really_ understood what I was going through.

She'd been there. She'd watched me change from a lonely, scared little boy, into a confident secret agent with the most amazing family on the planet, and she'd helped that change happen. Most importantly, though, she knew what it was like to have _nobody_.

I shot a guilty look at her. She knew I couldn't remember where I came from, so she never talked about her past. Downright refused to. I didn't know what her story was, or if she had a family out there that might pop up at any moment.

She glanced at me, and gave a subtle shake of her head. Whatever her story was, she wasn't going to share it now. "Nervous?"

Obviously. But as I nodded, I realized that admitting it made me feel better.

I glanced around her car to distract myself. It felt boxed in and boring, compared to my motorcycle and hovercraft. It wasn't like we hadn't been in some intense high speed chases in the car. It was just so deceptively… ordinary. It was the kind of vehicle you'd expect a perky young office worker to drive. It sometimes made me wonder if she missed the 'normal' life we'd given up to become O.W.C.A. agents.

I sighed, because the distraction wasn't working, and pulled down the passenger visor so I could see myself. I couldn't help but wonder if my parents looked like me, and if they'd had any other kids. Heck, there could be a whole mess of relatives that I'd never known about.

I'd know soon, but that only made all the questions bubble up worse. Where had they been? Why come forward now? Had it been hard to find me? And above all else…

Why had they given me up?

I'd told myself a thousand times that the answers didn't matter anymore. That I'd ended up were I was meant to be in the first place. But they _did_ matter, and now that I was so close to finding out the answers… it was dizzying.

"Purpleflowerpastrypie."

I blinked at Annie in shock. _What?_

She grinned. "Purple. Flower. Pastry. Pie."

I smiled back. It was a thing we did every now and then when the other person is freaking out. She spits out the first four words that pop into her head. I send a text for her. It works pretty well, even if her words are almost always connected in pairs. Texting is almost cheating though, because you have more time to think things through.

"Did you talk Doof into taking a day off?"

I shook my head and signaled it was someone closer to my height.

"Ah, Hilda. Gotcha. Shouldn't have to worry about that, then."

Hilda wasn't going to tell him w _hy_ I wasn't going to come thwart him. I hoped. It wasn't the plan, anyway.

Hilda… she was probably upset with me after supper with my family. I'd been in a daze for the rest of the evening, and had dropped her off without really listening to her enthusiasm. She would have understood back when her memories were wiped… but now that she'd gotten them back?

"She'll probably never forgive you." I glanced up at the teasing tone in time to catch the matching twinkle in Annie's eyes.

I honestly don't know how people read me so well. I've tried to read their minds back, but it's not easy. My closest guess is that I've gotten so used to communicating with them through body language, I do it without even meaning to. Or maybe they're just super used to reading it? Either way, I shrugged, fighting back a smile at the thought. Doof was perfectly capable of holding a grudge, and Hilda probably was, too. But neither of them had ever been able to stay mad at me for long, so I was more worried about the blows to their respective egos. That was still something I'd have to smooth over later, though.

I jumped as she clicked the blinker on, and parallel parked. We were there. Already.

I sank lower in my seat, wondering how to talk her into driving around the block a few more times.

She clicked her seatbelt buckle, and dropped her keys into her pocketbook as she swung it over her shoulder. "Ready?"

I shook my head. I wasn't used to the sensation of my heart pounding in my throat, because it had only ever happened when someone I cared a bout was in danger, and in times like those, I'm too busy saving them to pay much attention to little details like that.

Annie reached over and squeezed my shoulder. "Whatever we find in there… it's not going to change who you are."

Sometimes its hard to remember that we're not quite the same age, but in moments like these… she always seems _way_ older than me. Or, wiser, anyway. I smiled gratefully and let the affirmation sink in. The past was the past. It didn't matter what had led to my separation from my parents… I would still be me when we came back out. I nodded, and unbuckled, then opened the door, excitement starting to replace the apprehension again.

I had no idea what to expect.


	5. Meeting Mom and Dad

I kept going from being fine, to being nervous all over again. Annie's presence was calming, but a friend can only provide so much comfort. Especially in a building that held so many unpleasant memories.

Good foster families, bad foster families, in between, they all had one thing in common; this was where I ended up, every single time.

It was only sad at first, before I got used to the idea that nobody wanted to keep me. The decent families tried, but the ones that didn't think I was stupid were unnerved by my silence, and tended to act like they were afraid I'd burn the house down, or poison the well. They tried, but sooner or later, I'd end up back here.

And so had Annie.

I shot a sideways glance at her as I wondered why, yet again. _Everybody_ loves Annie. Long after I'd given up hope of finding a forever home, I'd still wondered why she couldn't find one.

"Well, look who it is. My two favorite brats. Any chance you're available?"

And then there were the bad foster homes. I was still looking at Annie; just the woman's _voice_ was enough to make her go pale, and freeze the blood in my veins.

We spun at the same time, and I took a protective step in front of my friend, heart-rate accelerating even though the despicable woman hardly poised a threat to either of us anymore.

Annie didn't let the old fear into her voice. "Debbie Gune… don't tell me they're still letting you drag children back to your gingerbread house?"

I didn't fight the smirk. Okay, so _almost_ everybody loves Annie.

"Answer the question, brat."

Her voice was uncharacteristically cold, and dry. "It's been eleven years. You ought to know, since you spent most of them in jail."

"Yeah, thanks to _you_ brats!"

Another familiar voice spoke from behind us. "Debbie, I've told you a thousand times that you will never be able to qualify for the foster children program again. Now get out of here before I call your parole officer."

The troll glared at her before stomping out the door.

"Perry… and you brought Annie. Excellent. That'll save me some paperwork. I assume you brought his file?"

Annie held out the manila envelope.

Don't worry, I'll explain better, later. For right now, let's just leave it, since your probably more interested in hearing about who was in the next room. Believe me, I can understand that.

Mrs. Oliver led us into one of the greeting rooms. We'd both done our share of time in them. Needless to say, it had never been quite like this before, but the same, dejavuish feelings were there.

Two people sat waiting. The woman had long, teal hair, and the man had cropped hair that was the exact same color. They turned when we came in. The lady's eyes were dark brown, and his were a sort of grayish blue.

One of her hands fluttered to her chest, while the other dabbed a white handkerchief at the corners of her eyes. "Our son…"

I just stood there, feeling stupid, but it's times like these that I'm glad I can't talk. Because even if I could have said anything, I wouldn't have been able to think of one single word.

There was no sudden release of emotions. No connection with the two people who looked vaguely like me. I have no idea what I was expecting… just that it was different from what actually happened.

She held her arms out, and I hesitated before deciding it could do no harm, and walked over to give her a hug. It was by no means a warm embrace for either of us, and it was even more awkward than standing there, but I didn't know what to do about it.

Mrs. Oliver sat down, and took control. She's nice enough in her own way, but I've never seen her nurturing side, if she even has one. "Now then, Mr. and Mrs. Plats, I want to thank you for meeting with us. I know this can't be easy."

And suddenly, Plats was more than just my code name, and still just my agent name, all at the same time. I'd always wondered if it was my real name somewhere in the back of my mind. So that was one question answered.

And then Mrs. Oliver was done with the formalities, standing up to go, and motioning for Annie to follow. Annie hesitated, watching me, then took a step, and I grabbed her arm, shaking my head.

She cleared her throat. "If it's alright, I really ought to stay. It might make things go more smoothly."

I smiled. Annie knew full well that Mrs. Oliver liked nothing better than to have things go smoothly, even when she was no longer responsible for placing a child.

"Very well. Mr. and Mrs. Plats, I'll let her take over."

Annie waited until the door shut. "Hello, I'm… Perry's friend. I know he's been really excited to meet you."

I shot her another sideways glance. Not even a first name? Not even her initials? What was up? Was the caution on some instinctual level, or just her O.W.C.A. training peeking through?

Mr. Plats gave a hearty laugh that only sounded a little forced. I chalked it up to nerves. "Well, we've been excited to meet him as well. Go on, son, I know you must have a million questions."

The stared at me expectantly, and I knew then that I wasn't going to get one of my answers. I handed them the note I'd written last night, and they blinked at it in confusion.

"What's this?" She sounded hurt.

Annie squeezed my shoulder. "Perry can't speak."

He frowned. "Why not?"

"We were hoping that you could tell us."

'Why didn't anyone tell us this before?" Emotion laced her voice. A mixture of apprehension, anger, and more hurt.

"I don't know… Mrs. Oliver probably knew it wasn't important." Annie's voice was kind, but firm. Since they hadn't even read my note yet, I was particularly glad she was there.

His frown deepened until he was almost scowling. "Not important? But how are we supposed to communicate with the boy?"

"The same way everyone does. All you have to do is pay attention." She nodded pointedly to the note they were ignoring.

The huddled in to read it together, while I went over the words in my head.

' _I'm not really sure how to begin. For so long, I've wondered about you, because, no matter how hard I try, I can't remember anything about you. There's a ton of stuff I'd like to ask, but, I guess the most pressing question is… why?'_

"Why what, son?"

I blinked, hurt. How could he not know? How could he call me 'son' in the same breath as that question?

I took out my notepad and wrote some more, still not sure what words to use. ' _What happened? Why did you give me up? It's not like I blame you or anything; I just want to know.'_

I handed the note over, and both of them squirmed a little. I sighed, but there really wasn't a way to ask that sort of thing that w _asn't_ awkward, and if they didn't want to talk to me, I didn't know why they were even here.

"It's complicated."

She stopped him, and took over, pleading in her voice, eyes begging me to understand. "You were our pride and joy. We loved you so much… too much to hold you back in life. You deserved people who could afford to feed you. Who… who could… afford to take you to the hospital… who knew how to find out why you couldn't cry…" she broke down, tears streaming down her face, and hardly silently.

I wanted to believe her. It was a plausible enough story, and you heard of it happening a lot in the foster system. Only… in most cases, the children were turned in by the financially challenged parents. And the ones who were concerned about possible medical issues never left the kid on the side of the road, strapped into his car-seat.

If they didn't have a good reason, I could see why they were lying. But all I wanted was the truth. Right now, that couldn't possibly hurt as much lies.

Annie's thumb was stroking my shoulder, almost petting me. "Maybe you should start from the beginning."

He frowned up at her. "And why, exactly, do you have to be here, again?"

"To translate."

I looked between the two of them, trying to decide if Annie was getting the same feeling that I was about them. I wasn't sure what it was, exactly, but something wasn't quite right.


	6. Friends

**Hilda**

Someone knocked on the door, and Heinz swung it open. "Perry the agent!? What are you doing here? You said you weren't coming today!"

Sometimes, I wish Perry would avoid wearing his hat when he comes to see _me_ but I guess he has too much respect for my brother to pull that kind of trick on him.

I set down my book, and walked to the doorway to peer around Heinz shoulder as Perry pointed to me, and tried to get past his nemesis. One look at his face told me that things could have gone more smoothly.

Heinz was being stubborn, and I was standing right there, so Perry rolled his eyes, and handed me a note. ' _Sorry about yesterday. It was a lot to take in.'_

I didn't read too much into the apology. I mean, sure, he was going through a lot, and he actually took the effort to come and make sure my feelings weren't hurt, but Perry's just that kind of guy. I'm sure he hadn't intended the action to make me fall that much more in love with him; not for the apology, but for the reminder of what a great guy he is, that it stood for.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him pact Heinz, who begrudgingly stepped aside. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He quickly filled me in. Apparently, his parents had struggled with poverty their whole lives, and they'd been afraid that they would have been able to help him talk if they had a little more cash, so they'd dumped him on the side of the road, and then gone on struggling for cash for the rest of their lives, one failed business venture after another, until one random investment paid off, and they were suddenly able to hire a private investigator.

I guess there could have been more that Perry didn't tell me, but that was the gist of it.

"So… what did you tell them about you? That must have been complicated."

He shook his head.

"It wasn't complicated?"

He shook his head again.

"You didn't tell them anything about yourself? Didn't they ask?"

When he shook his head again, my heart ached for him. His whole demeanor was sad, as if the answers he'd finally gotten weren't quite what he'd expected. I could relate. I'd been thrilled to remember my family… for about two seconds. Then I'd remembered, well, my family. Was it better than not knowing at all? In a lot of ways, yeah. But one thing people who don't know have, is hope. It's awful, and it's blank, but you can fill it in with whatever you want. Once you know you have crummy parents…

I cheered up. "Well, I guess it was really for the better. After all, if they hadn't given you up, you'd have been stuck with them. And your family is great."

We both glanced over at Heinz as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but he was doing an exercise video. Why… I'm not sure. Maybe he'd just sensed that his nemesis needed to talk about something he wasn't supposed to hear.

When Perry looked back at me, his mouth twitched into a half smile.

"I know. It's bittersweet. Now you know, but the truth hurts. Still… it could be a lot worse. Your parents could have _kept_ you. I mean, I wouldn't go so far as to _say_ I would have loved to be adopted into a family like yours, but…"

He smiled a little more, sympathy in his eyes, and suddenly, every hateful comment from my parents was worth living through, because it made me the 'at least my life isn't _that_ bad' person, and everyone could use someone like that to talk to, right? Don't say anything. If it isn't, I want to keep living in delusion. Give me a break here… there has to be SOMETHING good about having parents that only love their middle child.

Perry scribbled something down, and got up to leave. It didn't take long to read the note. ' _Thanks for understanding.'_

"Of course. Anytime." I mentally kicked myself. He knew that, and saying it out loud probably sounded all… desperate, and wishy washy…

As usual, it hardly mattered. He didn't seem to notice as he smiled, and walked over to poke Heinz, knocking him off balance.

Heinz crashed to the floor in a heap, and glared as Perry snickered behind his hand. My brother stuck his leg out, trying to knock Perry off balance, but it was no chore for the secret agent to avoid the kick, a triumphant smirk in place.

It had nothing to do with the fact that they were nemeses, or that Perry hadn't gotten a chance to thwart Heinz today. They were just being, well… boys. Which is great for Heinz, because he was never allowed to wrestle with Roger, or, well, talk to him, or play with him at all. Seriously, growing up, you'd think that our parents had taken in a young prince, and found two beggar children on the street to amuse him. In some ways, Heinz still has that little boy trapped inside of him, and it's always nice to see him smile.

As for Perry, I decided he looked a lot more relaxed than when he'd shown up. Proving that, if nothing else, this generation of Doofenshmirtzs were better people than the last.

Not that anyone e _ver_ visited us back then, but, if they had, they wouldn't have left feeling better than when they'd come, that's for sure.


	7. Social Work

**From the desk of Annie Jamison**

Okay, so Perry mentioned that I'm a bit older than him. And he's also mentioned bits and pieces of how we met. He figured that now's as good a time as any to connect the dots, so here goes.

I had just turned thirteen years old when I got relocated to the Tri State Children's Home, and I was having a hard time accepting the fact that I was now a teenager, making it that much harder to dream of ever being adopted. The sad truth of the matter is, most people want puppies and small children. They want to give teenagers _back_ , and with foster care… they could.

Mrs. Oliver was curt, even back then, but she wasn't mean. Things were ordered a certain way, and that was how she ran things. If you messed up, she didn't yell, or punish, she just corrected you, quietly, patiently, until you learned to do it right. It didn't matter how many times it took; she never yelled, and you _would_ learn the 'proper' way to do it.

We all loved her for never yelling or making us feel worthless, but, at the same time, there wasn't a child there who didn't want a hug from time to time, and she just wasn't that type either.

I settled in pretty quickly. I'd been moved from one place to another as much as any kid there, so I knew the basics of the routine.

I was shy, and quiet, so it was hard for me to make friends, or even carry on a conversation in a group of noisy kids. I took to playing by myself, and finding quiet areas to read in.

And that was how I found him.

Play time was particularly noisy that day, and I decided to read over by the coat racks. There, under the tent of coats, was a boy with teal hair, and dark brown eyes.

He wasn't crying, but it was only because he was trying very hard not to.

"Hi. I'm Annie." As you know, I didn't get any response other than a blink.

Book forgotten, I sat down beside him. I didn't know how old he was at first; he was even shorter then than he is now. But I recognized the loneliness in his eyes, and I knew right then that he was someone special. Not in a demeaning sense, certainly, and not in a romantic sense, either. He was special because he was _Perry_.

He glared daggers at me.

I figured that if he wanted me to go away, he was going to have to say it to my face. Poor kid.

For the first time in forever, someone was letting me talk, without interrupting me. I couldn't stop myself. After a minute or two, he stopped glaring at me, and just… _listened._ Really, truly listened.

When I finally quit babbling about everything that didn't matter, I just trailed off with a shrug.

He shrugged back, and smiled at me.

And then Mrs. Oliver was towering over us. " _There_ you are, Perry. I really wish you wouldn't disappear like that!"

His eyes twinkled mischievously, and he gave her a boyish grin.

She looked at me. "Are you two playing hide and seek?"

I looked over at him. "I don't know. Are we?"

Perry shrugged.

"He can't talk, dear. He…"

She trailed off as I nodded in response. I smiled patiently up at her, and explained, "He sort of was, but nobody else was playing, until I found him."

She gave me a funny look, and I think it was the closest she ever came to betraying the emotions going on beneath the surface. Certainly in front of me… "You understand him?"

"Sure."

"Well. Um. I was looking for you, as well. It's your turn to set the tables for lunch. Perry… since it's her first time, would you mind showing her the proper way to set the tables?"

As if I couldn't figure it out myself. Perry rolled his eyes, then smiled at me, and motioned for me to follow him to the kitchen.

For the next few days, I started playing hide and seek as soon as I woke up. Finding Perry took longer some days than others, but he never let me search _too_ long. So I went to find Mrs. Oliver after looking for him for the entire morning.

"Perry went to a new foster home this morning. Try playing with some of the other children."

"Oh." It figured that people would want Perry. "Is it a good home?"

She looked over her glasses at me. "You know I can't discus these things with you. Now run along."

I sighed, and life went back to normal. I missed him already, but I tried to be happy when Mrs. Oliver came to find me, about a week later, to tell me that she was placing me in a foster home.

The next morning, I was dropped off at the house, and my usual shields went up.

The woman that greeted us was overweight and smiling; not the happy, bubbly, carefree sort of overweight, but a greasy, double large, fast food only type of overweight, and a fake smile. To top it all off, she and her trailer smelled like baked dirty laundry and air-freshener.

I looked up at the social worker in charge of dropping me off, almost expecting her to grab my hand, and flee in horror. Instead, she handed over my small suitcase, and wished up both luck.

Sure enough, the second the door closed, she dropped the sicky sweet smile quicker than my suitcase. "I don't expect any trouble out of you, hear?"

She plopped on the couch, and turned the television on before even telling me what she _did_ expect.

I glanced around the grungy place, and did a quick evaluation of my own. Fact; while there are plenty of loving foster families out there, some people were only in it for the cash flow, and child labor. I think it was clear which one she was, so I started to clean.

I wasn't at it very long before the couch springs groaned, and she grabbed my shirt collar. "I said **no noise!** "

"Actually… you didn't…" I didn't have time to protest any more than that, because she was shoving me straight into a tiny broom closet. "No! Wait!"

She ignored me as she slammed the door, and wedged something under the knob on the other side. "Please! I'll be good! I promise! No!" I prided myself on keeping my cool; I was thirteen, after all. But I completely lost it, trapped in the dark with who knows what. I pounded and clawed at the door, feeling like the vacuum wedged under my feet was sucking all of the air out of the room.

Suddenly, the door yanked open, and I tumbled out. I would have fallen flat on my face onto the carpet, but my rescuer caught me, and helped me regain my balance.

I barely had time to look at the little guy before the witch was towering over us both. "I thought I taught you your lesson already! You stay out of this, you hear, freak?"

She turned back to me, but Perry scrambled in front of me, crossing his arms defiantly.

Instead of being intimidated, she just rolled her eyes. "Fine. Have it your way, runt." She grabbed Perry and started dragging him to the other room. As he struggled, he looked back at me, and pointed to the door.

Instead of obeying him, I followed them into the kitchen, where she dragged him over to the side of the sink that was filled with brown dishwater. It looked like Perry had been washing the dishes when I'd showed up, but before I had time to notice anything else, she yanked him up, and forced his face into the water.

"Let him go! What are you doing?!"

I tried to pull her off of him, but she just slatted me away. As I fell to the floor, she turned to glower at me, lifting poor Perry's head just enough for him to gasp in a breath of air. He choked and sputtered as she turned to shove him back under.

I'd been in bad foster homes before, but this was ridiculous!

I grabbed the first thing in reach, which happened to be a broom with barely any straw left in it, and whacked her with it, as hard as I could.

Her elbow connected with my face, and I saw stars as she grabbed me by the shirt again. She marched me to a little bedroom, and threw me in, then shoved Perry on top of me, and slammed the door. Perry rolled spryly to his feet, and held his hand out to help me up, still choking on the dishwater.

"You worthless little no-goods are going to _pay_ for that!"

I sat on the floor, shaking, until Perry poked me in the arm with something. I glanced down at the cordless phone, then looked at him. He smiled, ignoring the tears in the tears mixing with the dirty water on his face.

I dialed quickly, wondering when he'd swiped the phone, and how many times he'd tried to call for help.

Mrs. Oliver sent the social worker back to get us both, and a policeman showed up before she did. I don't remember the woman's name, because I think she was fired for not checking the house over before leaving me there.

There had been other children that had complained about Debbie Gune, but we were the first to be able to back up our story with some pretty condemning bruises, and a scratch on Perry's face from where a broken glass had cut his cheek.

It was a terrible ordeal, but thankfully, it was over quickly, and the horrible woman was convicted of child abuse, and sent to jail.

After that, Perry and I were inseparable, except for at bedtime, and when one of us was placed in a foster home. Mrs. Oliver even tried to get us placed together when she could, as if we were siblings. It made sense to me since Perry was the closest thing I had to family.

I'll let Perry tell you about the O.W.C.A. incident, but other than that, life went on as normal, until I aged out of the system. I kept visiting Perry, and nagging Major Monogram until he pulled some strings. Just about the time Perry was located with the Flynn-Fletchers, which, I'll also let him tell you about, Major Monogram called in a a favor, and made me Perry's official social worker. Mrs. Oliver knew that something was going on, but she never got involved.

I was thrilled that Perry had finally found his forever home, and we still saw each other at work a lot.

But even though I'm not nearly caught up to where we are in the story, I'm still getting ahead of myself. I better call it quits, here.


	8. New Recruits

Perry

Yeah, Annie and I have a lot of history. Like I said, she was the first person to treat me like a human being, and it was nice having eachother's backs at 'Debbie's' horror trailer. I got her out of the closet, and she got me out of the sink, (and the trailer) before anything terrible happened. It wasn't too long after that when Major Monogram contacted us. Apparently, he was impressed with our track records.

Joining the O.W.C.A. meant that we got to get out of the children's home (for 'special classes' that we'd 'won')on a regular basis. It was just for training, back then, and life was finally starting to look up. I had a friend, a secret identity, and, though I still dreamed of finding a family, I'd started to accept the fact that I might never find out why my birth family had abandoned me.

I shook my head, trying to shake off the past, but it clung like plastic wrap.

She'd said that they'd given me up for my own good with such conviction… but it just didn't add up. Why would they leave me on the side of the road? And Hilda had brought up another good point; why hadn't they asked about my life?

They asked if I'd meet with them again, and I'd agreed. After all, I still had questions, and I wanted to at least know if they were the real deal. Even though part of me suspected that my doubts were nothing more than hope that I had someone out there who could give me the answers I sought.

Whatever my problems were, I had to deal with them, and fast. Monogram had just brought in some new recruits, and he was assigning their training to me. So far, I only had yet to see anything more than their files which were… less than promising, but they were trainees, so that was to be expected.

I pressed my hand to the scanner, and walked into the O.W.C.A.

It had grown, since the first time I'd seen it. More agents, better tech, and I'd spent the last couple of moths helping Carl fix the security holes. Nothing was impossible, but breaking in would take a lot more effort than before, and whoever was pulling it off wouldn't be able to drag Doof along with them.

I hadn't been on the trainee level for years, and certainly never with instructor clearance. I stepped through the doors, and found Carl talking to my new trainees.

They didn't notice my entrance, so I studied the group quietly. A petite redhead with a compact glider was the fist to glance my way. Maggie McCoy. Sharp, resourceful, and dedicated to her work, but she lacked ingenuity, and tended to be more of a follower than a freethinker.

Harry Hynda, muscular, purple hair, class clown. Strong, hardworking, and determined, with a bit of an overdeveloped sense of humor. I didn't think he'd give me too much trouble, so long as he was able to keep the practical joking to a minimum, so I wasn't thrilled to see that he was slipping on a hand buzzer.

Karen Khatz, a tall blond with vacant green eyes, was paying more attention to the powder puff and mirror she was holding, than to anyone else. Easily distracted, and a little self absorbed, but according to her file, she had excellent martial arts skills.

The three of them were a bit older that Monogram liked to recruit, but he was willing to let them in, provided I was able to train them well enough to pass the newer, more vigorous course. No pressure.

"Ah! Here's Agent P now! Agent P just happens to be the top agent of the O.W.C.A. He's the best in any of our divisions, and he's handled cases around the world, but don't be intimidated or anything."

Smooth, Carl. I rolled my eyes as I stepped up to the power point I'd prepared, and found the card I'd written out just in case of a situation like this.

'A few people around here like to try to make me into some sort of legend, but as far as I'm concerned, I have a job to do, and I just do it. Simple as that. If you're here to do your best to make the O.W.C.A. into something even better than it already is, then we're going to get along just fine.'

Carl gave me a thumbs up, and started to take his leave.

Harry spoke up. "Thanks for the orientation, Carl."

He adjusted his glasses. "Oh, no trouble at all!" It showed that the intern was thrilled to be appreciated, and I wasn't going to be able to stop him from shaking Harry's hand before…

I don't know if it was Harry or I that was more surprised when Carl shook his hand, and turned and walked away without repercussion.

As soon as the intern's back was turned, Harry started looking for the buzzer. Beside him, Maggie smirked. She flipped the device to me, and I caught it, and set it next to the power point, then put on another card. 'Any questions?'

That threw them. They all blinked, and looked at each other in bewilderment, clearly not expecting this to be interactive for a while. They'd each received a file on me as well; not as extensive, of course, but one that contained the basics, and I'd never been one for speeches.

I smirked as I set down the next card. 'No questions? Good. Let's see what you've got then.'

Harry swallowed, and scratched his head while Maggie stood at attention, and Karen kept applying makeup, not having a clue what I wanted them to do, which was what I was going for. They'd each been tested to get here, but I intended to do my own evaluations.

I raised an eyebrow, and tapped my foot, causing Maggie and Harry to glance at eachother nervously, then Harry dove, pulling the other two into a huddle. They whispered loudly until Maggie said something that made Harry drop to the floor, holding his stomach as he laughed. Karen threw her hands into the air, and walked away in exasperation.

Maggie bit her lip.

Go on. Take the lead… she stood back at attention, and turned to salute me.

I sighed. They each had strengths, but none of them were confident about them enough to even try. I wrote something down on the blank card, and slid it in place.

'Alright then, have it your way.'

Maggie looked crushed, and Karen glanced back over her shoulder to see why Harry had stopped laughing.

I calmly wrote up the next card.

'Welcome to the drawing board.'

* * *

 **A/N : Thanks for the reminder about the name Nightflame203. I had forgotten that we'd settled on Karen Khatz. And thanks again for the edits, Agent B Tiger!**


	9. Background Check

**From the desk of Annie Jamison**

Perry and I had eachother's backs when we barely knew one another, and it's something we haven't had to think about since. I couldn't help him process anything that was going on, but I could certainly run a little interference for him.

He wasn't ready to buy full stock in their story yet either. I could see it in his eyes. Lucky for him, my specialty has always been, well, computer hacking, if you will. I'm one of the good guys, but if helping Perry means bending a law, or even shattering it to a million pieces, then I'll do what I have to. I think we all have people like that in our lives. I mean, if you're willing to die for someone, then the last thing you're going to do is let some moral code of privacy stand between you and information that can tell you if his long lost parents are actually legit or not.

The problem was, not matter how long I searched, all I could find on them was a couple Facebook pages that had only been up for a couple months. Now, it's as illegal create a Facebook page under a false name as it is to hack that page and use the info to find the IP address of the computers that have logged onto it, but it's a heck of a lot easier, and people do it all the time. I couldn't do much with the IP addresses, since the domains were all public, but, while that was suspicious, it wasn't unheard of for a couple of quiet, middle aged people, who mostly kept to themselves, and started looking for their son.

It didn't add up, and it didn't look good, but there could be a reasonable explanation.

I sighed, rolling my chair back from my desk. The thing of it was, while Perry and I are both careful with who we trust, in this case, it'd be pretty easy to step too far over the line the other way. Sometimes realizing that you're biased only creates more problems. Hoping that something is true doesn't make it true, but, on the flip side, hoping something is true doesn't make it false, either.

What if playing the 'better safe than sorry' card, meant pushing away Perry's birth family?

On some occasions, I go to Major Monogram with things that I can't really talk to Perry about. But in most cases the things I can't talk to Perry about involve him, leaving me with… no one to talk to. This was one of those times. Major Monogram would probably have some good advice, but he tends to overreact to anything that involves a host family, and I was _so_ not willing to risk that happening.

I picked up the phone, and dialed, not having any idea what I was going to say, or even if I was hoping that the answering machine would pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Phil. It's Annie. Not to be a pest or anything, but could you meet me at our usual table in about fifteen minutes?"

"I can be there in five. See you soon!"

No long back-stories here. We go to the same coffee shop during our breaks, and one day a waitress sloshed coffee on him. I offered him my stain remover pen, and we had a pleasant chat. It's more, 'beginning of story' than end, but there are days where I'm not even sure that we _have_ a story.

Still, talking to him about an unnamed friend seemed like a better bet then showing up at D.E.I… believe it or not, Doof can be, and even has been, very perspective at times. Not that I'd ever cross the line and talk to him about anything to do with Perry's family life.

I got to the coffee shop pretty quickly, and, true to his word, Phil was already sitting there, looking a little concerned. He jumped up to pull my chair out for me. "Is everything alright?"

I nodded. "Thank you. I really appreciate this. I don't even know what to say, but I needed advice."

He gave me an understanding smile. "What are you allowed tell me without compromising your job?"

Phil knows that I can't talk about work, but he doesn't know why, or who I work for. "It's actually not work related. It's still sensitive, but…" I sighed, feeling bad for bothering him with something when I hadn't even worked out how, or even what, to tell him yet.

"Hey, take your time. My whole afternoon is free anyway."

My frown deepened. "I'm intruding on your day off."

He leaned back in his chair and took a sip of coffee. "Yeah. I was really looking forward to binge watching Andy Griffith, so remember; every second you take is keeping me from sitting at home, dying of boredom."

I couldn't stop the smile. "If you're sure then. It's just… I have this friend from back at the children's home. Recently, two people showed up claiming to be his birth parents, and, I know this sounds paranoid, but…"

"You're worried about whether or not they're to be trusted, or how this will affect him emotionally, or if you can even trust _me_ not to spread this news around town." His eyes twinkled with just _hint_ of teasing. Most of the agents at O.W.C.A. think I'm too trusting, so I find it hilarious that Phil seems to think that I need to lower my guard a bit. Occupational hazard, I guess.

"I know I can trust _you_. You haven't got any friends."

I giggled as he gasped, and clapped his hand over his heart in mock pain.

"Besides, even if you did… you're not the type to betray anyone's confidence."

He sipped his coffee. "How would you know that?"

I shrugged, taking a sip of my own coffee. "Because I've known people who would, and… let's just say that I've learned to spot them pretty quickly."

"Does that bring us back to your friend's parents?"

I sighed. "That's just it… I don't know. I think I'm too, emotionally involved."

He nodded. "So you don't trust yourself either? Would it help if I vouched for you?"

"Fraid not."

He shrugged. "Worth a try. Well, what about your friend then?"

"Huh?"

"I think what you really want is advice on how to best help him. But maybe, he just needs you to be there for him. This might be something he needs to work through on his own."

They weren't exactly the words I wanted to hear, but they were honestly given, and, something inside me told me that they were right.

"So, you think I should take a step back, and just… watch and listen?"

He nodded. "I'm not sure what the situation is, but… yeah. I mean, they say they're his parents, right? Why would anyone lie about that?"

And why would they? It did seem strange, until I remembered…

"It's not like your friend would be some kind of target or anything, so, what could happen?"

This was Danville, so… pretty much _anything_.


	10. Balance of Life

**Hilda**

I tried to focus on my own task as Heinz worked, but it's kind of difficult to do when your brother is muttering things about 'the jaws of destruction' when he's trying to trap someone you love.

I kept peering into the next room to reassure myself that things weren't getting out of hand, but 'the jaws of destruction' looked even more menacing than they sounded, and I was back in that uncomfortable position where I was keenly aware of just how involved I was in this situation that I wasn't supposed to be involved in.

I shook my head. Of a _ll_ the guys in America… of all the _agents_ in the OWCA, I had to fall head over heals in love with my own brother's nemesis. Someone who, by rights, I should have loathed for standing in Heinz's way all these years.

A laugh forced it's way out of my nose. Like _anyone_ could hate Perry. Heck, even _Heinz_ couldn't, even though he didn't seem to have any trouble building the occasional death defying trap.

I leaned out around the corner again, scooting my chair so that I could peek a little easier. I knew my brother didn't mean any harm, but I couldn't help but wish that he weren't _quite_ so confident in Perry's skills. Not that I was _too_ worried, but… everyone has bad days, and with Perry concerned about his birth parents… well, okay, I was worried.

I got up, and wandered into the next room. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh you know… building a trap, putting the finishing touches on my inator… like ya do. Why? What are you doing?"

"Fixing my resume. You know that the only people who have contacted me are from L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.?"

He froze, shooting a glance at me. "You didn't call them back, did you?"

"Of course not! If I was going to keep working for an 'evil' scientist, I'd keep working for you."

He gave an exaggerated sigh, and his voice took on a whiny tone. "Why do you say evil like it's in air quotes? I'm evil!"

A few months before, I'd been buying that, hook, line, and sinker. Now… I just wonder if anybody at the O.W.C.A. realizes that my brother doesn't even know what evil _is_. Except Perry of speaking of Perry… "Isn't that trap a little… dangerous?"

"What, this? Don't be silly. It will hold Perry the agent long enough for me to at least get out my backstory, and… oh. I see how it is." His eyes narrowed a little. "You're worried about _him._ Like _he's_ the one that gets punched in the face the most in this situation."

"You're not exactly the innocent victim you know."

He put his hands on his hips. "Hey! I'm the thwart-er. I'm the thwart-ee… er, the thwart-ed… the person who gets the thwart."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I used to think I understood what that meant. Now I'm not even sure _you_ know what that means!"

He made a face, and managed to keep his pout.

"You _know_ that I don't want you to get hurt either. The difference is, Perry always has your back."

I should have known he'd take offense to that. "Hey! I have his back, too! I can think of plenty of times when… well… I _would_ have his back more, if he ever needed _help_. That goody-two-shoes hardly ever makes mistakes, so it's kind of hard to even up the score, especially since I lost count before I even knew I'd ever had need for a list."

Yep, it's a good thing that we Doofenshmirtzs don't worry about things like social codes, because I hadn't just fallen for his nemesis; I'd fallen in love with his best friend, too, and I was pretty sure that would be considered an even bigger social blunder. "So is it dangerous or not?"

He rolled his eyes. "Weren't you listening at all? Perry the agent is probably going to have to pull _me_ out of that thing! Stop worrying."

"So in other words, yes, it's very dangerous, and if Perry's off his game, it could hurt _both_ of you very badly."

"Don't sweat it. He's never off his game. He's totally got this."

"Aren't you at least going to tell me what it is?"

He calmly picked up a wrench. "You're interfering again. You're just trying to stall me so that the trap isn't finished by the time Perry the agent shows up. Well it's not going to work, and I doubt he'd appreciate your lack of confidence in him."

That stung. Not enough to make me feel bad for worrying, but enough to make me regret not helping him in a less direct, more subtle manner that wouldn't alert his nemesis that something was wrong.

Heinz turned back towards me. "So… why _are_ you so worried about a simple little trap all of a sudden?"

"It's got _teeth._ "

"My traps have had teeth before. Is something going on with Perry the agent? Is there some reason he might not be up for our daily routine?"

"I didn't say that. All I mean is… well, what if something _did_ happen because you got a little too aggressive with your traps? You'd feel terrible, and you know it."

He shook his head. "This is a solid plan, and the traps fine, Crumbkin. You go back to your resume, and leave the thwarting to Perry the agent."

I gave the trap another nervous glance, but went beck into the kitchen. Heinz was right; Perry could handle it. And if something _did_ go wrong, well, it wasn't like my brother was actually gunning for his nemesis. He'd stop things before they got t _oo_ far.

As long as they were both able to stop things, that is.

I sank back into my seat with a moan. Trying to wrap my head around the whole 'frienemy' situation was exhausting. I honestly don't know how they put up with it, but it seemed to work for them.

I guess I was just destined to be caught in the middle from start to finish, but it wasn't like I could pick sides.

I shook my head, and wracked my brain for qualifications. I was _not_ going to be an evil scientist's assistant ever again, and I didn't want to go work for the O.W.C.A. either. But what was _I_ good at? What would work for me like their jobs worked for them? What was I born to do?

If you listened to Heinz, I was born to achieve greatness, whether it was by helping him take over the Tri-State Area or not. But if you listened to my parents, I was born to trip over things, and do the chores that no one else wanted, and make Rodger look good. I forced the memories of Drusselstein out of my head, and realized that I didn't know what Perry thought I was born to do. Maybe he'd have some ideas.

But I knew that it really came down to me. Heinz hadn't mean to get in the way when he rescued me from our parents, but taking control had never been my dream. With my parents' non-existent expectations for me, my dreams had never been allowed to take flight. I'd never even asked myself what _I_ wanted to do before… it seemed too, self-centered, especially given the way I was raised.

Trying to distract myself from the 'jaws of death' in the next room, I ran with that line of thought. In that aspect, I was grateful to my parents. I mean, it would have been worse to be raised a spoiled, self-centered brat, right? I jotted that down for later, thinking that I might be able to help Perry work through his parent problems. I knew all too well what it was like to not know where you come from, and then suddenly meet/remember your less than perfect parents. The relief in the memory doesn't quite make up for all those years of belittling hurt… not that _that_ applied to Perry, but there were parallels to be drawn. I think. Still working on that.

If this sounds like I'm stalling because I didn't have any jarring moments of inspiration about my life's calling, then… yeah… it's pretty spot on. Sadly, I knew more about what I wanted to do back when I had self inflicted amnesia, and didn't know that I wouldn't be happy if I didn't keep my life carefully centered between the two people I loved most.


	11. Jaws of Death

**Perry**

When I woke up, I saw that Annie had sent me links to both my parents Facebook pages. There was almost nothing on my dad's… or, the man claiming to be my dad's page. The woman who said she was my mother had started out the same way, but she appeared to like the social network a bit more.

Annie's note told me that, while she agreed it looked suspicious, they both could have started Facebook accounts in an effort to find me. That timeline added up a little more smoothly.

I shook my head. Life was complicated enough without having to wonder if the birth-parents you've been waiting your whole life to meet are telling you the truth or not.

"Perry?" Mom's voice sounded hesitant. I turned towards my open bedroom door, and smiled at her. "The kids are having their breakfast, so I brought you up a toaster pastry." She brought it to my desk, and sat it down, hesitating. "Are you okay, sweety?"

I started to nod, considering whether or not I was, then nodded again, with more conviction. The whole parent thing was a puzzle, but at the end of the day, or even at the beginning it still didn't matter.

She looked relieved. "Don't forget that you can talk to us about it, okay? I know it's a lot to deal with, but you don't have to go through anything alone."

I'm not often spontaneous, but standing up to hug her just felt like the right thing to do at that moment. _Thanks, Mom._

She hugged me close, stroking the back of my head. "And if it's possible, your father and I would like to meet them, too."

 _You would?_ I pulled back to blink at her, then scribbled one word onto a notebook from my desk. ' _Why?'_

She smiled, trying to smooth out my ruffled hair some more. "I'd like a chance to thank them."

' _For what?'_

"For you." She kissed my forehead, and left as quietly as she'd come. You see what I mean about loving my family? I took a bite from my Poptart as I looked around my room, and smiled.

Doof was running a little late, so I was able to help the boys start their daily project before I got called in.

My heart felt lighter and more carefree as I raced to D.E.I. on my motorcycle. I'd pretty much decided that I was making way too big a deal about the whole situation. These people said they were my parents, after all, and I was just being paranoid. It didn't really matter. I'd be careful, sure, and try to get to know them. If they were telling the truth, then great. If they were lying, then I was no worse off then before.

It looks so simple when I put it like that, but it was a huge load off. I practically skipped into D.E.I.

The good feeling vanished as the cage sprung up to 'eat' me. Literally. I had to curl into a ball to avoid having my head and shoulders chomped off. The 'cage' was basically a giant bear trap with curved bars that kept me trapped in the middle. It looked way more deadly than any of his other traps.

Doof gave his version of an evil cackle while I turned to glare at him. It was kind of hard to pull off, curled into a ball like that, but I think I managed.

You probably noticed that of the perks of having Doof as a nemesis meant that I pretty much just had to ask for free time if I had a good enough reason. The downside of that was situations exactly like this; too many days without his creative outlet, and Doof went a little overboard when he started working again.

I glanced over at the kitchen, and saw Hilda peering around the corner, and through her fingers. She relaxed a little when she saw that there was no harm done. I jerked my head at her brother, and rolled my eyes. I think she smiled before ducked back into the kitchen, but I wasn't sure, since she'd had most of her face hidden.

No, I wasn't ignoring Doof. While all this was going through mu head, I was listening to him cackle for an exaggerated amount of time. It sounded more and more fake the longer he forced it.

"Ah. Peeeeeeeeeeeeery the agent. Hmm… I was going for a dramatic effect, but it didn't quite have the effect I was going for. Maybe if I put the enunciation on the first syllable. PEARyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the… no no, that's wrong, too. Can I start over?"

I shrugged, hoping he wouldn't cackle again.

He turned around, cleared his throat, then spun on his heal. "Ah! Perrrrrrrry the agent. You've been swallowed up in my latest trap." He did a fist pump. "Yes! Nailed it! Eh hem. Sorry, I'm a little rusty. Sort of like the teeth on that trap! Ha! Double whammy!"

With that, he started to cackle again.

I rolled my eyes again, and reached out to poke one of the aforementioned teeth. It only looked liked rusty metal. In fact, the part of the trap that made up the 'teeth' was actually foam sprayed with rust textured Rustolium. If I hadn't ducked, I'd just have been pinned between the real metal bars that were spaced out far enough that they wouldn't have crushed any bones.

I gave an appreciative nod to the planning that had gone into the trap as I studied the cage part for a weakness.

"Don't bother! That trap is infused with the power of springs! Speaking of which, I really expected you to be sandwiched in there with your head sticking out. What is it with you and Hilda lately? Don't you trust me?" He sounded genuinely hurt that I'd instinctively ducked when the trap closed on me. I gave him a look.

"Yeah. I know. Trust can only go so far between our respective professions. Still, I might have expected more from you, if my own flesh and blood hadn't doubted me first!"

 _Yeah, that's great. Drag Hilda into this. Like she needs any encouragement._ I shook my head as I tried to push the trap open. No luck. Doof wasn't bluffing about those springs. They would have been hard to open from the _outside_ , let alone from the position I was in… come to think of it… how _had_ Doof gotten the trap open in the first place?

I took another look around while Doof started his backstory. Aha! A car jack. All I had to do was somehow get a hold of that from three or four feet away, and I'd be out of there.

"Back when I was an only child, I thought my parents didn't know how to smile. I would try to point out bits of color, or less then completely dreary sunsets, but to no avail. My mother would only scowl at me, and my father would tell me not to move. You know… I've often wondered who filled in as acting garden gnome after I accidentally boarded that boat to America…

Hilda's voice sang out from the kitchen. "He made a stone gnome, but he didn't like it, so he had me do it."

Doof glanced at the doorway and winced. "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. You were saying?"

"Right. They couldn't smile, no matter what I did, or how hard I tried. And then, one day, Rodger was born, and they couldn't _stop_ smiling! I know I've complained about him before, but that little brat could do no wrong!"

I used a broom that was lying on the floor next to me to pull the car jack over, and wondered if Doof would have loathed his brother so much if his parents hadn't clearly picked favorites. After all, he adored Hilda, and I couldn't imagine him loathing _her_ even if their parents had coddled her even more than Rodger.

I shook my head at the injustice of it all. It just proved to me how much stock a child puts in their parents approval. The three Doofenshmirtz children had grown up in the same home, raised by the same people. Doof ended up spending each day trying to conquer the Tri-State Area to prove himself. Rodger ended up confidently leading that area as the mayor, though Doof had never told me how, or why, Rodger had chosen that particular profession. And Hilda barely had more confidence than Doof. Just because their parents had worshiped the ground Rodger walked on.

"So I said to myself, "What if _I_ had that kind of effect on people? What if everyone in the Tri-State Area couldn't find it in themselves to smile, unless I was around? Behold! The Frown-Inator! This device will take away everybody's inner joy, unless they're within four or five feet of me. Once people realize this phenomenon, they will flock to me, and want me to be their leader!"

I don't know what was more horrifying; the fact that the plan wasn't completely groundless, or the thought of Phineas not being able to smile unless he was near my nemesis. I glared at his back as I jacked the trap open, cracking my track record… (hmm, try saying that five times fast.)

Doof heard it open, and took off running, trying to fumble the remote out f his pocket. I snatched the remote, and he retaliated by tackling me to the ground.

We both landed with a jarring thud, and as my chest slammed into foam padded metal, I realized that we were both in big trouble.

We were lying flat in the corner of the trap, and the jack had been knocked off center when we landed.

Doof had planned it so that it wouldn't break an arm or a leg, but I doubted he's made it safe to snap shut on _both_ of us, and the way he'd frozen up wasn't very reassuring.


	12. Rescue Attempt

**Perry**

My first instinct was to try to raise us both up slowly, but when I shifted my weight a little to find a place to put my hands, the whole trap shook, and the jack gave a little more.

I couldn't help but wince when I remembered how much tension those springs were under. If it snapped shut… it was going to hurt.

Doof knew it too. He tried to climb off of me, but his slightest movement caused the trap to shake again. He froze, and I'm pretty sure we both stared at the jack in horror until the trap stopped trembling.

"Hilda!" The shrillness in his voice suggested that all bets were off, and I could hear her come running.

"Wha… oh crap."

Understatement.

"Can you back out?"

"Technically I _could_ , but it would probably make the trap snap shut, and cut Perry the agent in two!"

Overstatement. But if this thing closed on me, I wasn't getting out without, at best, a couple snapped ribs. As my nemesis, Doof shouldn't have cared. I guess it just goes to show how complicated our relationship was that he would rather risk getting his ribs broken with me than abandon me to my fate.

"Heinz…"

"I _know_! Alright? You warned me, and I wasn't listening! I'm sorry. DO you really think that I meant for t _his_ to happen?"

Hilda was sounding more panicked by the second. "Maybe I should call AJ."

 _No time!_ I shook my head, and just that little bit of movement sped up our impending doom.

I was used to not being able to talk, but not being able to even nod or shake my head while the _Doofenshmirtz_ siblings discussed how to work out the situation was killing me. I was the agent. I was supposed to be the one that came up with the brilliant plan to save both our hides when Doof's plan went haywire. But I couldn't even move without risking death.

"There's no time to call a _nyone_ Hildie." At least we agreed on that point.

"Alright. Then… we need to secure that jack."

I shook my head, ignoring the risk. The _last_ thing we needed was her sticking her arm in this thing, too."

"Perry, hold still." She walked around and reached towards the jack, and all I could do was glare at her, willing her to come up with another plan.

As her fingers touched the jack, she stopped, frown fading from worry to calculations, and she drew her arm back, shaking her head. "I don't dare try to move it. It could dislodge it too easily." Her eyes met mine. "What do I do?"

It was stupid that she had to go through this. I wracked my brain, but I couldn't think of a plan, or of a way to communicate it to her if I did anyway. What I needed to do was somehow get my other arm down. Then I could push us both back out of this thing. But that wasn't going to happen. From the way the metal was groaning, this thing was going to give whether we moved or not.

"Dumkoff!" Without explaining what she meant by that, she raced off, and tripped on something. She didn't fall, but something glass fell to the floor and shattered. She muttered something derogatory under her breath before racing back with a crowbar.

She tried to put it down without disturbing the jack, but it wasn't long enough. It was a good thought, though. I didn't nod, but I tried to convey one in my expression.

"Um… do we have another jack?"

"If we do, it's in storage somewhere."

The jack slipped a little more, and we all gasped and stared at it.

"Um…" she was starting to panic again, as she looked around the room. Her eyes lit on something, and she jumped up again. She knocked on something solid, and then metal scraped on tile as she pushed the inator over. Her worried eyes met mine, and I knew what she was going to try to do.

 _I trust you._

She gave one nod, then toppled the inator onto the jack. The trap snapped shut, and the inator took the full force of it, stopping it just centimeters from my ribs.

Doof collapsed on top of me in relief, and I put my other hand down, and sprung to my feet, dumping him to the floor in an undignified heap.

I expected Hilda to run to him, but she turned around, and hid her face instead.

"Oh no. Hildie… Crumblekin… don't cry…" Doof scrambled to his feet, and rushed to her side, but she shoved him away. "Hildie…"

She swatted blindly at him. "I could have lost both of you!" With that, she raced from the room.

For lack of anything better to do, we both stared at the sparking inator. I don't know if I've ever seen Doof look so defeated. He rubbed his arm. "Um, Perry the agent, I…"

I clapped him on the shoulder, and waited for him to make eye contact, then gave him a single nod. _I appreciate what you did._

He tired to smile, but glanced at the direction Hilda had run off in, and looked like he might cry, too. "Do you think she could have been hit by the inator?"

I sort of hated to crush the hope in his voice, but I always try to be honest with him, so I shook my head. There was plenty of reason for her to cry about what just happened, poor thing.

My daily fights with Doof were just how things were. They'd continue until Doof wised up, and realized that he w _asn't_ actually evil. As the top agent, Monogram has tried to move me to public enemy number one several times over the years, but I've always convinced him to let me stay where I was, because I know that Doof just needs someone to listen to him, and believe him. Sure he had Hilda and Vanessa, but they practically had to support him. (Not that I understood why he would think that, given the way the rest of his family treated him, but whatever.)

I took him by the shoulders, and back him away from the inator, then threw somethings at the self destruct button. We watched it explode in silence, and then I turned to go, glancing back towards where Hilda had run off, wondering if this was a family matter, or if I should intervene, and if so, whether I should do it now, or later.


	13. Tears

**Hilda**

My face hurt, and I couldn't stop crying, or breathe through my nose, but that seemed overrated anyway. The trap hadn't snapped shut, but my mind's eye cruelly played out that scenario over, and over, and over…

I had never hated this whole 'nemesis' arrangement more. Yes it constantly put them both in danger. Yes they both constantly fought. But I guess I'd known all along that if anything got them in the end, it would be some stupid accident. And if misfortune fell on one of them, the other one would go down trying to save him, and I'd lose them both, or maybe even be responsible for botching the rescue attempt to save them.

The door opened, and I was pulled into a hug. It took me a moment to realize that Heinz wasn't talking, and that could only mean that it wasn't Heinz at all.

Vanity is a silly thing. I'd always considered myself homely anyway, but the thought of Perry seeing me like this, what with the swollen eyes, and, you know, the _snot_ , made me even more self conscious. I tried to turn away, but he wouldn't let me.

He rubbed my back, and rocked me a little, then made me look at him. I tried to refuse, but he could see me whether I opened my eyes or not, so I gave in.

He smiled at me, and wiped the tears away, a kindness in his eyes that told me that he was just trying to comfort me, and not belittling me for crying, like my parents had always done. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out some tissues.

I nearly died of embarrassment at the amount of snot I cleared, but he just handed me another tissue, and waited patiently as I retreated to the bathroom to blow my nose a few more times, and wash my hands. One glance in the mirror told me that I was even less attractive than I felt. I could hear my mother's voice, telling me that I should never let a man see me cry, or without makeup. But even as her memory tried to convince me, I just knew that Perry wasn't like that. If he ever did return my feelings for him, it wouldn't have anything to do with my face.

I wandered back out, half hoping that he'd gone on home, half hoping he hadn't, and realizing that I'd been hoping that he hadn't harder when I saw that he was still there.

He smiled, and tapped the side of his head, commending me for my quick thinking. Ha! Quick. Those seconds had lasted an eternity. It couldn't still be morning. But it was. I shrugged, not really knowing what to say, and he got a teasing glint to his eyes, and came over to put his hat on my head.

I felt my eyes widen as I threw it back at him. " _Me_?" My voice was barely a squeak. "An agent? Heck no!"

He laughed, that silent, joyful mirth, and put the hat back on his head. He was upset about something, but he was trying hard to put it behind him for my sake, and I loved him even more for it.

He led me out to my brother, then went behind Heinz, and shoved him at me. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Hildie."

I let him hug me this time, just glad that he _could_. "I'm not sorry I had to see it, or that I was here to help." For some reason, Perry looked even more upset after I said that. "I just hate that it happened, and that it could happen again so easily."

He looked hurt, and I suppose I'd just given him the equivalent of the "I'm not mad, just disappointed" speech.

Perry tipped his hat to me, and ducked out. I waited a few minutes, then started cleaning up the mess. "I was just worried. I don't want to lose you."

He made that same scoffing noise in the back of his throat that he always did. Like he couldn't, or wouldn't, let himself believe that he could actually be that important to anyone. I hated that noise, but, as usual, I didn't know how to respond to it. I hugged him again. "I'm glad you're safe."

He patted my shoulder, and shooed me away. "I've got this. Go back to your resume."

To be honest, I would have preferred helping him clean up. I knew how to do that. It was familiar, and safe, and not exactly something I could mess up. Most importantly, I knew what I was doing, and I still had no idea what I wanted to accomplish with the stupid resume.

But I went back to the kitchen to stare at it some more. I wasn't evil scientist material, and I certainly wasn't agent material. Having Heinz and Perry in my life was more than enough adventure for me, and, I'll say it again, I didn't want to even consider the possibility of ever losing either of them. Besides… the idea of trying to live a life of adventure without them was ludicrous.

I shook off my melancholy, or tried to, but before too much time had passed, I got a text from Perry.

' _Thought you could use some cheering up. I'm taking the kids to AJ's for a game of truth or dare. Wanna come?'_

Huh. Neither Perry nor AJ seemed to be the type that would enjoy a game of truth or dare. In fact, his family didn't either. Then again, I wasn't even sure what truth or dare _was_. But, if it meant spending time Perry instead of working on finding a job, I was all for it.

"Heinz?"

"Yeah?"

"What's truth or dare?"

"It's a game they play over here. Sort of like Blackmail or Humiliation, like we used to have play in school."

I was afraid of that. The bigger kids would round up all the smaller ones, and make them choose. Well, I say 'choose'. Actually, you only got to pick blackmail if you had some good information to give them. If the information wasn't up to their expectations, then you had to pick humiliation twice. Either way, they got to choose your humiliation, and that was that.

Like I said, _not_ the type of game I expected to find a spin off over here, but what do I know? It still wasn't a hard call.


	14. Truth or Dare

**From the Desk of Annie Jamison**

Perry and the kids showed up right before Hilda. He was right about her needing some cheering up. What he hadn't mentioned was that it had something to do with him, which I didn't know until I saw the look she gave him.

He smiled in response to it, then looked over to calmly catch the look I shot his way.

Hilda had been awkward before she lost her memories, and she'd been especially awkward after, but now that she had them back, along with all the memories since, she was more awkward than ever.

Phineas extended his greeting to her, and got her to sit down on the floor with the others. "Have you ever played truth or dare before?"

"Not exactly. We have a game like it back… where I'm from. But I don't think it's quite the same."

"Well, not everyone plays it the same way over here, either. Usually, you pick truth, or dare. If you pick truth, you have to answer a question. If you pick dare, you have to do the dare. Now _we_ let you take it back. If you don't want to do the dare, you can pick truth. If you don't want to tell us, you can pick dare. And they have to be yes/no truths. And… well, it's easier to show you the best rule change. Perry and Annie, you guys go first."

I wasn't sure where he was going with this, but I shrugged, and sat down. "Alright, Perry, truth or dare?"

He held up two fingers, and I handed him a cookie before I realized that we'd just illustrated Phineas's point.

Candace laughed at us. "See, Annie added this rule. When you're picking someone's 'dare' you can either pick a challenge, or give them a creme filled cookie from the name brand Dare. Perry always picks Dare, no matter what, and Annie practically always gives cookies the first round."

"Guilty. I even give cookies for truth sometimes."

Candace laughed again, mimicking me. "Um, well, would you like a cookie?"

Truth be known, I've given out some pretty notorious dares in my day. But back when I first started playing, I hadn't even known about the dares. Basically, I used to play truth or cookie.

Hilda turned to Perry. "Why do you always pick dare?"

He shook his head, held up one finger, then two.

"No, I was just asking…"

Phineas shrugged. "Perry never picks truth, but if he does, that's the only way he'll tell you. Candace, it's your turn."

"Alright, Ferb; truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What does Dad want for his birthday?"

We all turned to stare at her as she whisked out a notebook, ready to scribble down an answer.

Hilda cleared her throat. "I'm confused; how is that a yes or no question?"

Ferb pondered that for a moment. "Yes."

"What do you mean 'yes'? Yes what? C'mon!"

"Yes, Dad will like whatever you give him."

Hilda stared at them, a little longing in her face. I didn't know exactly how she felt, but it'd be nice to have a Dad to give things to.

"Alright, Hilda. It's your turn."

She blinked at Phineas. "Oh. Um…" her eyes darted around the circle, trying to choose her victim. "Perry?"

Perry smiled smugly, and held up two fingers.

Her face fell. "Oh."

I swatted at him, knowing that she'd been hoping that he'd pick truth. But Perry never backed out of a challenge, and he never, ever, picked truth. Too used to holding his secrets close, I guess.

Phineas nudged her. "Now you give him a dare."

"Like what?"

Candace spoke up. "Traditionally, something like making him do a prank call, or something humiliating. We usually just do challenges like 'stand on your head for six seconds' 'hold your breath for longer than so and so' that kind of stuff."

Which would be the other reason Perry always chose dare.

"Okay. Um… AJ, give him a cookie." She slumped back, in defeat.

Perry looked disappointed until I handed him the cookie. Those little creme filled Dares were the only kind of store-bought cookies I actually liked. And if it sounds like I'm name dropping, I just really like the cookies.

Phineas looked torn. "Hmmm. Annie: truth or dare?"

Unlike Perry and Candace, I'm very open about everything except my past, and, you know, the whole, secret double life thing. "Truth."

"Have you ever wanted to go sky-diving?"

I managed not to make eye contact with Perry, but it was hard. "Yes."

The three Flynn-Fletcher children exchanged glances, and Perry shot me a warning glance.

Ferb blinked towards me, and I could tell he wanted to ask a follow up question.

"Truth."

"Would you?"

Perry shot me another look, warning me to be careful. I just laughed. "That would totally depend on the circumstances."

Candace shook her head. "Nuh, uh, uh! Yes or no!"

"If I had too."

"Yes or no!"

The worried look on Perry's face faded into an amused smirk. Some answers were just more complicated than yes or no. For some of us, anyway.

If I didn't have too, then… "No."

The kids nodded at each other, and my reputation as Perry's fun, but boring friend was restored. Perry gave me a thoughtful look, and I crossed my eyes at him. Because, yeah, I totally wouldn't ever have jumped out of a plane if I wasn't an agent. Not my thing. I do it to help people.

Hilda was looking at me, too, and Ferb noticed, so it was my turn to keep the game going. "You're up, Perry."

He nodded, looking around the group, gaze settling on Ferb. Always a fun combo to watch.

He looked at Ferb, who blinked twice, and then Perry made three quick hand signals that I didn't recognize. Ferb got up, walked into my kitchen, and came back gulping down a glass of soda. We all waited for a second, and then he belched, impressively, I suppose. We all burst into laughter as Perry nodded, indicating that he'd passed the dare.

Still laughing, I turned back to him. "Dare?"

His eyes twinkled as he nodded, knowing that I knew he hadn't received an actual dare yet.

It was always tricky to find something challenging enough to test him, without revealing his secret identity, but I always tried. "Alright then; I dare you to stand on one hand for one minute…" he rolled his eyes, and I finished, " _while_ balancing a glass of water on your foot."

As he jumped up to get the glass, I noticed that Hilda looked worried. I wondered why, until she turned to Phineas. "I thought you said she always gives out cookies? That sounds hard!" Phineas laughed. "She _almost_ always gives out cookies the _first_ time. But it wouldn't be very exciting if she gave them out _every_ time. Don't worry, though. Her dares are always fun."

I was glad when he didn't add that I was the hardest on Perry, who was coming back with the cup. He tried to hand it to me, and I shook my head with a grin. The smirk faded from his face as he thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to maneuver to a handstand while putting the cup on his foot without revealing his agent skills, or asking for help.

He lifted one foot behind him, and balanced the cup, looking a little doubtful.

We all watched with baited breath as he slowly bent to touch the ground, shooting me an amused glance.

Candace reached for a cookie without looking down, and I nudged the box closer to her hand, trying to laugh as Perry wobbled on purpose to mask his training. I happened to knew for a fact that he was able to throw a glass of water into the air, and catch it on his foot without spilling a drop, but what made this challenging, was the fact that he'd never practiced doing it this way, to my knowledge.

We all clapped when he got to one hand, and Ferb flipped the egg time I'd gotten out for just such a dare. When the minutes was up, we clapped again, while Perry carefully maneuvered the glass down, handing it to me with that smirk back.

He jerked his head towards Hilda, who looked like she was having a great time, and I nodded, happy to see that his own fatigue had eased up considerably.

The moment was happy, but for some reason, it felt almost… _too_ happy. Like something was looming around the corner. It was that sixth sense I'd acquired as an agent, but I couldn't tell what was setting it off. It didn't feel like something horrible was about to happen, or even impending danger. But as I tried to think past that cheerful game, I just kept getting this overwhelming sense of…

Dread.


	15. Missing Communication

**Perry**

Something was bugging Annie, but it was time to head home before I got a chance to ask her. Hilda asked if she could stick around for a bit longer, and Annie offered her some tea as we left. From the look they both sent towards the door, they wanted a chance to talk about me.

I didn't see what the big deal was. I mean, if I could avoid being worked up over this, how hard could it be for them? On the other hand, if Hilda's parents came for a visit, or if it had been Annie's parents that just showed up out of the blue… then yeah… I wouldn't have been able to brush it aside so easily.

As it was, it was hard to be glum walking home with my siblings when we'd all had such a good time.

Phineas and Candace chatted happily while Ferb and I listened happily. The sun was setting on an overall great day, and there wasn't much that could have dampened my spirits right then.

I've learned to cherish moments like those, because life has a way of making sure that they don't last forever.

I reached into my pocket to double check my phone since I hadn't felt it vibrate in a while, but my pocket was empty. A quick check of my other pockets turned up nothing. I sighed, and caught Candace's attention.

Her eyes widened as extended my thumb and pinky, and held my hand to my ear. " _You_ lost your phone? You _never_ lose your phone!" She shook her head. "Go on back, We'll wait."

I nodded, and hurried back to Annie's house. The window was still open, and I could hear Annie's calm voice from inside. I fully intended to knock, but my hand froze in the air.

"Of _course_ Perry cares about you, Hilda."

She groaned. "There it is. Of course he cares about me. Like he cares about every other person in Danville. I just get so confused."

Apparently the club I'd started had it's first new member. Drat. Things were getting more complicated already.

"What do you want me to say? If you want to know exactly _how_ he feels about you, you're gonna have to ask him."

"It doesn't matter."

Annie's voice was as gentle as it was firm. "Yes it does."

"Shut up." Just a sentence; quiet, and calm. Then, "So… what's with the dare thing?"

Annie laughed. "Do you really have to ask?"

"I guess not. That trick with the water was impressive, agent skills or no. And that smug look… how the heck does he pull that off?"

"What?"

"The 'tough guy' thing, when he's just so… well, cute."

 _Cute?! Excuse me?!_

"I know, right?"

 _Oh, perfect. Way to stick up for a guy, Annie._ Again, I raised my hand to knock, and again, the next sentence froze me. It was Hilda, this time.

"How did you know what you wanted to do with your life?"

"Um, random question, or is that the other thing that's been bugging you?"

"Both, I guess."

"I didn't."

"Huh?"

"The whole agent thing? It wasn't like I was one of those kids who played spy all the time. All I ever wanted was a _normal_ life, you know?"

I nodded, and I imagine Hilda did, too. We both knew e _xactly_ what she meant.

"So… did it work out?"

"I can't imagine my life being any different, I guess. And the helping people thing is a really nice touch. So yeah. Perry became the family I never had, and the O.W.C.A. sort of filled in the rest of the blanks."

Okay, now or never. If I didn't knock soon, I was going to overhear _way_ more than I was supposed to. Yep, I said soon, which was my downfall.

"Look, Hilda, you're over-thinking things. My advice is to get out there and try to find something that you want to do. If an idea appeals to you, give it a shot. And you can't force relationships to happen; they need time. Some more than others, and in Perry's case you're going to need… drat."

"What?!"

His phone must've fallen out of his pocket while we were playing."

"So?"

"So you can come in now, Perry."

"WHAT?!"

"Friend or foe, it doesn't make a difference, Hilda. There's no keeping secrets from a spy, and you might as well get used to it now."

To add insult to injury, she swung the door open, a twinkle in her eyes.

I knocked on the doorframe sheepishly, but when she smirked, I just rolled my eyes. _Yeah, you caught me. It's not like you know how long I was standing there._

And with the conversation they'd been having when I showed up, well, call me a coward, but I intended to keep it that way.

"You gotta get back to the kids, or do you wanna stay and chat a while?"

And let her try to play go between? No thank you! I jerked my head towards the door as I took a step towards it, but just then, both my and Annie's wrist-communicators beeped.

We both made sure Hilda wasn't in the shot before answering.

Monogram was giving us both the same message. "Sorry to call you both out again today, but there's been a new threat spotted near the old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park. I want you both to head out there and check it out as soon as possible."

We saluted, then exchanged a glance.

I could tell from the look in Annie's eyes, and from Hilda's white face, that we all had the same, bad feeling about this.


	16. Three's a--- Team?

**Perry**

Since we both seemed to feel like something was wrong (or at least more so than usual) we went in separately, and I activated the tracker in Annie's watch right from the get-go. I was pretty sure she did the same, and I rolled my eyes at the thought. Despite her misguided belief, it was _my_ responsibility to keep _her_ safe, and not the other was around.

I didn't address it again, and focused on moving in silent and slow, wondering what new threat to be looking for. Monogram is typically vague when he hands out mission assignments, but it's not usually an issue since my nemesis and I have our routine down so well. This was different, and it seemed like he should have given us some idea of what we were getting into.

Then again, it was probably only bothering me because Annie was there. I'm far more comfortable going into an unknown situation alone.

I crept around the booths and broken down rides until I met up with Annie, who indicated that she hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary either with a simple shake of her head.

I nodded, and motioned that we should both keep circling. The whole place had a strange feel to it. There's just something… wrong, about an abandoned place that was meant to be filled with people. The giant Farris-wheel moaned as the wind caused the cars to rock ever so slightly.

That was about when I noticed the footsteps, slow and deliberate, like someone was sneaking around. I crept over to them, and before they could do anything about it, pinned the culprit to the back of a stall.

Doof's hands flew up to cover his face, but he kept his voice quiet. "It's me!"

Well, obviously. But why did he think that little tidbit of information would stop me from punching him in the face? Sure I'd already stopped, but him pointing that out only made me consider hitting him before he explained himself.

"Look, we shouldn't be here."

I was already starting to rule him out as the cause of the threat anyway. Any threat from Doof would hardly be 'new'.

"L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. is working together on some top secret project out here and I…" he rubbed his arm, looking embarrassed. "I didn't qualify for it. See, we took this test, and I think Rodney rigged it to make me look bad! They said I was too loud, and too sympathetic towards my nemesis for the plan to work out. Can you believe that?"

I wasn't even sure how he _wanted_ me to answer that, so I didn't move.

"Anyway, all I know is, whatever they're working on out here is _big_. So when Hildie asked me if I knew of any villains working out here, I figured that you could use a warning."

Wow. How could they e _ver_ have thought he was sympathetic towards his nemesis? Yep, that test was _totally_ rigged. I just hoped he hadn't ratted out anything _too_ damaging. You let it get out that you're 'frienemies', and people start all _kinds_ of weird crap.

"You're not going to leave, are you?"

I shook my head, but let go of his collar. Pretending to help me and lying about other people being behind things wasn't Doof's style at all. If he said he was just here to warn me, then he was.

"Well then, neither am I! I'll help if I can, but if they capture us, then I don't want them to think that I didn't help. You know, them, instead of you. Of course I don't want them to think I helped you! That would totally send the wrong message."

I rolled my eyes, but I had to circle back, even if my guard _had_ gone down a little when I found out that it was just L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. If you're wondering why that put my mind at ease, let me just remind you that Doof is public enemy number _three_ right now. Yeah… that doesn't speak very well for the other scientists, since he's got a nearly perfect track record for failure, if I do say so myself.

Of course he couldn't keep his mouth shut, but at least that meant they'd be more likely to find us than Annie.

"Who names a business 'The Old Abandoned' anything? It's like they e _xpected_ it to fail before it started. I mean, I've always figured that they'd named the park after watching too many sitcoms. People are always going to 'the old abandoned' something or other, but seriously?"

I shrugged. I hadn't given the matter a lot of thought… or any at all.

Annie stepped out from behind a run down and empty prize booth, that was labeled, 'Run Down and Empty Prize Booth', fun stuff.

I wasn't surprised to see that she wasn't surprised to see Doof there. Even if she hadn't come back when she heard his voice, he helps out too often for it to be shocking. She just glanced at me, and I just shrugged, and that was that.

"Hey Doo-octor D."

He scowled at the nickname she hadn't quite caught in time. "AJ."

I pointed a thumb towards his lab coat.

"L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.?"

I nodded.

Doof frowned, just puzzled this time. "How'd you get L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. from my lab coat? Most people think of pharmaceuticals when they see it! And…"

I clapped my hand over his mouth as I heard footsteps coming closer. I nodded towards the prize booth, and Annie ducked inside as I dragged Doof, who was at least being quiet as he tried to figure out what was going on.

Annie pulled a tiny box from her hat, and set it up on top of the weather beaten shelf over our heads. Then she pulled out her phone, and opened up an app. The screen filled with the feedback of what the little box was pointing towards, on all six sides.

If it was O.W.C.A., I hadn't been given one. I pointed at it questioningly, and she handed me the 'manual' which wasn't more than an instruction sheet printed on a piece of paper that had been folded in half. It called the device the 'SneakPeek-inator' by Hilda Doofenshmirtz. Which, again, didn't explain why I didn't have one.

She shrugged, selecting one of the screens. Her voice was barely a whisper. "She was feeling down in the dumps, so I asked her if she could rig up a portable spy cam, and…"

A crazed face that I didn't recognize filled the screen. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he just looked left and right, and then backed away slowly.

"I now you're here, somewhere. Just come on out, and I'll let you go… to pieces!" With a crazed laugh, he started up his chainsaw.

Doof covered his ears, starting to tremble. He didn't say anything out loud, but started muttering "no,no,no,no,no,no,no…" under his breath.

The man with the chainsaw and the tattered lab coat left, and Doof rolled from his sitting position so that he was on his hands and knees instead. "We have to get out of here, now!"

Annie and I exchanged a glance, then crossed our arms.

"Not until you tell us who the heck that was, and everything you know about what's going on."


	17. Sixth Sense

From the desk of Annie Jamison

So there we were, sitting in the old abandoned, Old Abandoned Amusement Park's run down and empty Run Down and Empty Prize Booth. You had to wonder what pessimistic dreamer had named this place, but this wasn't the time.

Doof, er, well, Dr. D, looked back and forth between Perry and I, eyes wide with incredulity. "You're serious?" His voice was a frightened squeak. "Seriously? You're both going to be all stubborn, and demand to have your answers here, with a crazed maniac running around looking for an intruder to stick his chainsaw into?"

Well, when he put it like that, waiting until we got back to his place did seem the smarter course of action. "We need to stop him before some poor citizen wanders in here and…"

I stopped because Perry's mouth had actually dropped open. His eyes wide, he looked at Dr. D, and pointed to his lab coat.

Dr. D. looked down. "What did I spill something… oh no!"

"What?"

"L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.! They were meeting here, and there's no sign of them! You don't think…"

I brought up a freeze frame of the crazy dude. "He's not a member?"

Dr. D. shook his head. "Never seen him before in my life."

"But… he's wearing a lab coat…"

He scoffed, crossing his arms, and scowling at me, apparently having taken serious offense at my observation. "Oh, so now all you have to do to join L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. is buy a lab coat now? I guess that means that you think every doctor or laboratory worker is aspiring to take over the world? How stupid of me! I'll let them know… HEY EVERYBODY!"

At that point, Perry stopped waving his arms frantically, and tackled Doof (not going to change it, he deserved it that time) to the ground, clapping his hand firmly over his nemesis' mouth.

We all waited with baited breath, and then a chainsaw roared to life, right behind us.

Perry rolled his eyes, and kicked the stand over, toppling on the crazed maniac, and pulling the evil scientist wannabe to his feet. He glanced back to make sure I was following as we got out of there, and I made a note to suppress a sigh later. I know he thinks it's his job to meticulously and singlehandedly protect every single person he knows, but did he really think I was just going to lay there and hang around? The moral here is, in times of immediate danger, try not to worry as much about the friends that have the same job as you, that's all I'm saying.

We raced on ahead of the guy, which wasn't that difficult, because he didn't seem too keen on the idea of racing through the amusement park with a running chainsaw. A wise decision. It's best never to play with or run with chainsaws or sharp objects… sorry, I'll get back to the story now.

Naturally, we ducked behind the first cover available, and zig-zagged from there. We were able to lose him before the chainsaw stopped, leaving a sinister spin on the eerie quiet from when we showed up.

My voice was breathless from running so hard, and because I was trying not to tip off the psycho. "Come one, Dr. D, you've got to give us something!"

"Seriously, I don't know this guy!"

Perry shushed us both, and we fell obediently silent. Dr. D. shot me a smug smile, and Perry shoved his notebook at him.

He scratched his head, and spun it around to show Perry that it was blank.

Perry rolled his eyes, and tapped the page, then pointed to Doof. As his nemesis started writing, he turned to me, and pointed a finger downward in an obvious, 'stay'.

We battled it out with hand signals, each insisting that the other be the one to stay with Dr. D. I finally nodded because I do trust him to stay safe, and because I wasn't so sure that trying to keep Doof quiet wasn't actually the more dangerous job here.

But of course, before Perry left, he tapped the notebook Doof was writing on, pointed at me, and then made a fist, and held it centimeters from Doof's nose while motioning for him to be quiet.

Doof stuck his tongue out at him, and that seemed to satisfy Perry. He got up carefully, and crept out of sight.

I contented myself with checking my camera, which had gone flying when the stand flipped, but that was the beauty of Hilda's cubic design. There was nothing to see from any of the angles, at the moment, so I was ready when for Dr. D. to surrender the notebook.

Unfortunately, he was still scribbling madly away. We both sat in silence, until we were startled by the whir of a chainsaw starting back up… nowhere's near us. We exchanged an uneasy glance, and suddenly, I wasn't as confident in my partner as I'd like to have been.

The noise started going crazy, like he was actually running with it this time, and when I looked back at Doof, he nodded. I thought we had an understanding, until we both started to get up. I gave him a look, and he nodded meekly, settling back down to start writing again.

I snuck towards the sound as carefully as I could at a dead run. When I got there, I found that someone had left the chainsaw going on the Merry Go Round. That wasn't the strangest thing, however. The strangest thing was that the ride was running, silently. I don't just mean that there was no music playing, I mean that you couldn't even hear the gears. Nothing but the chainsaw, going round and round.

As I circled it, I noticed that the control room in the center had a small door that was accessible for one/third of every rotation.

If Perry had found the psycho, or even vise-versa, chances were they'd gone down there. If not… there was still a good chance that there were answers down there.

I hopped onto the spinning ride, and timed it carefully so that I wasn't crushed when I slipped through the door.

The floor opened up underneath me, and I plummeted into the darkness.

* * *

 **A/N: This is a pitifully short chapter to post after ALL this time, but I just really needed to move on from this scene, and get going on it again. I'm working on the next chapter right now.**

 **Nightflame203, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be working on this at all, so I just wanted to publically thank you for getting me back on track. I have taken far too long a break, and it's not fair to anyone who's been following this story to drop it just because I hit a wall. Thanks so much for getting me motivated again!**


	18. Farewell, Whoever You Are

**Okay, so Perry the agent, all I know about this is what I told you earlier. This guy** **really** **isn't a member of L.O.V.E.M… oh for badness' sake! Of L.M. If you don't know what that stands for, then tough! I'm not writing it out all the time. Ugh!** **THIS** **is taking forever! How do you stand this?**

 **Wait… I'm supposed to be talking to A.J. now? Fine.**

 **A.J., please disregard everything I wrote up there. Except for the bit about not knowing that guy, and using L.M. as an abbreviation so that this doesn't take** **forever** **. Also, thank you for** **trying** **to call me Dr. D., which I vastly prefer to Doof. I guess it means something that you're making an effort.**

 **And now you're gone too, and I don't know if I'm supposed to keep writing to you or not. Technically, I suppose, since you both just** **left** **me here alone, then the guy with the** **chainsaw** **might be the one to find this letter. Or some random teens who come to the amusement park for thrills, and find this note before stumbling onto one of our bloody corpses, then fleeing for the exit only to find out that it's too late! If that's the case, then you** **really** **don't have any idea what I'm talking about, and I'm sorry for spoiling your untimely demise, but by all means, stop reading this note and at least** **try** **to** **RUN** **you moron!**

 **If you're still reading this, then I'm going to assume that you are either Perry the agent, or A.J., and if you don't know who they are, then this note is not for you.**

 **I can still hear the chainsaw, it sounds like Perry the agent is being chased around, and around, which is my job, but I'm just supposed to sit here and write my stupid note.**

 **It's scary here.**

 **And I'm all alone.**

 **You know something? I just realized that I haven't updated my will in a while.**

 **Okay, so Vanessa still gets anything remotely valuable that I may or may not have accumulated, except for the lab and spare Inator parts, but in a trust fund, so that Charlene doesn't have any say in what she does with it. It's her inheritance! She shouldn't have to put it towards her college if she'd rather buy something nice! For pity's sake, just start putting the alimony you'll be saving, aside, and send her anywhere she wants to go!**

 **Charlene, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, and I don't want that to be the last thing I ever say to you. I'm sorry that you couldn't stand living with me, and that I don't have anything to leave you, other than the freedom of not having to send me those checks, but thank you, for the best years of my life, and most especially for Vanessa.**

 **Vanessa, babycakes, you will** **always** **be my little girl, and getting horribly murdered with a chainsaw isn't going to change that. I want you to know how** **very PROUD** **I am of you, and that I want you to stay away from that Johny kid, because he's trouble. You're my pride and joy, and I love you. Sorry that it's not likely that I have anything that will let you buy something nice.**

 **Hildie, Crumblekin, don't cry. You're** **NOT** **all alone in the world now, you've got some really great friends who are reading this note, and who are going to take care of you, because, no matter how much they annoy me, and two of the most loyal people I know. (In case you're wondering, you're the third.) You get the lab, of course, and the Inator parts. Not for evil inventing, because I know you gave that up, but for just tinkering around with, or maybe un-evil inventing. Thank you for, well, being you.**

 **Which brings me to Rodger. Rodger, I have secretly always been jealous of you, because Mom and Dad loved you, and couldn't stand me. And if** **THAT** **wasn't enough, you just** **HAD** **to follow me here, and get elected mayor of the** **ONE** **place on earth I want control over, didn't ya? Well guess what big guy? You're Hilda's only brother now, and you'd better stop being so smug around her! If you can't, just leave her alone, you pompous windbag!**

 **I guess this is where I should apologize to my parents for never being able to become the son they wanted. Maybe I could. I mean, I can understand that. I wouldn't want me for a son, either. I know my best wasn't enough. But there's just one problem with all of that, and her name is Hilda. You guys couldn't have had a better daughter, unless you had my daughter, you know, the granddaughter that you never even mention? Well guess what, I wouldn't let you near her even if you tried anyway, so the jokes on you!**

 **A.J., well, thanks. I know you don't have to be my friend just because of Perry the agent. As annoying as you are, you're probably the only other friend I have in the whole world. Sad, huh? Still, I'm glad I know you. Or, knew you. I really hope you didn't get killed running off like that.**

 **And finally, for the very last person in my will. Ironically, the one who abandoned me first. Ballooney.**

 **Naw, I'm just kidding. It's Perry the platypus. (I'm leaving you Ballooney, so please don't pop him.) Thanks for being the best nemesis I ever had and… oh, who am I kidding? You're the best friend I ever had. Take care of them all for me, yourself included, kay? That's another joke. I know you can't help it. I don't need to say it, but… take especial care of Hildie, alright? She doesn't have anyone else that will do that as well as you.**

 **~Heinz Doofenshmirtz**

 **P.S. Right… the information you wanted… sorry, it's just so scary here, the will seemed more important! All I know about the guys is that he /**

And that's where the note I found ended. Nothing I asked for, and a whole lot of painful backstory. At least I didn't have to compare the handwriting to know it was from Doof… I felt guilty for thinking of him like that, but it had become such a nickname… I think he'd know that I don't mean anything by it.

In any case, they were both missing, and the only useful part of his note was the fact that Annie had taken off looking for me. If I had to guess, I'd say it was in the direction of that chainsaw trap.

I set off in that direction, not bothering to hide. This guy wasn't as short as Dr. Diminutive, but he was still less than imposing without the chainsaw he'd obviously abandoned. I sighed as I slipped the note/will into my pocket. It was all stuff that I knew, of course, but to see it written down so directly… it sort of put it in a new light. It almost sounded like it did for him, too.

 _Don't worry. Nobody else is going to need to read this. They don't need me to do_ _your_ _job._

I headed for the merry go round, and saw that it was still empty. Of course, the first time I'd checked on it, it had just been to make sure Annie and Doof hadn't been discovered.

I gave it another look. There wasn't anything special about it. The chainsaw was still whirring away, and the ride was turning with an eerie quiet.

It looked like some of the panels in the middle were more weathered than the rest, but other than that, nothing to see here. The only question was, why hadn't A.J. gone back to Doof when she saw that I wasn't in trouble here? And where was he, for that matter?


	19. Underhanded Situation

**From the Desk of Annie Jamison**

Darkness and close spaces… not _exactly_ my two favorite thing in the whole world. Never liked them, and I probably never will, since it tends to bring up memories of cowering in a certain closet in a trailer park.

I firmly reminded myself that this was different. That I was an agent, instead of a child, and that Perry…

My eyes popped open, and the panic settled to a more normal level; Perry could be facing the crazy guy right now, and I was just sitting here? I reached for my phone, forcing the panic out of my chest, but the phone, the easiest source of light and communication, wouldn't turn on. Great.

I knew the battery wasn't dead, and I was pretty sure I hadn't fallen on it, so I decided to blame the eerily silent merry go round, and whoever was behind it. There were nothing but walls on three sides, and the fourth opened up into a tunnel. I proceeded with caution, since everything about this situation screamed 'trap'.

Climbing back up wouldn't do me any good; even if the door hadn't shut, I didn't relish the thought of trying to get back out of the spinning door, even if the alternative was pressing onward down a pitch black corridor filled with deathly traps.

If they were any traps, though, I avoided setting them off. After a while, I got to a ladder… one that went _down_ naturally. I rethought trying to climb out of the merry go round, but I thought I could see a light at the bottom of the tunnel, so down I went.

It was dark, and it felt like it took forever, but there was a door at the end of the tunnel. I picked the lock, and found myself some old maintenance tunnels that someone had converted into a headquarters of sorts.

Suddenly, a large countdown timer appeared, and a familiar voice filled the tunnels. "You can stop looking for traps now. This whole thing is a trap."

"Mayor Doofenshmirtz?"

He chuckled, not cackled, there's a difference, and I a spotted a screen to my right. "Now I'm sorry you had to be involved in any of this, but you can rest assured that it's for the good of the Tri State Area. That ought to count for something, right? Now, if you'll excuse me, other complications have arisen, and they need to be dealt with. Tah, ta."

That… gave me next to nothing to go on. I've seen enough countdown timers to know that the whole place was gonna blow when it hit zero if I couldn't find a way to diffuse it, but why the heck was the mayor involved in this mess?

I'd, ironically, always found him to be the least likable of the Doofenshmirtz siblings, but involved with L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.? Something strange was going on.

The self destruct button wasn't going to help me, so I started to search the tunnels for some sort of explosives, or a computer to hack, or a way to stop the interference so I could get a call out, or a way out.

I just hoped that Perry was faring better than I was.


	20. High and Low

It wasn't long before I found Doof, or, rather, heard him. His shrill voice was echoing through the entire amusement park in a matter of minutes.

"There's no way you're ever going to get away with this, you know. Well…. depending on how you translate that… I mean, you obviously already got away with doing it, but… you're gonna face repercussions for it. MY nemesis, Perry the agent, is gonna hunt you down like a sack of… really heavy stuff, that, would just sit there, and not be able to move. And flash neon lights. Because that's how good he is at his job!"

I found him tied to the top of one of those observation rides that spin on the way up a high pole. The controls were working, but it was more of an inconvenience than anything… if I could get to him before he managed to untie himself just enough to fall off.

Someone had barred the door of the maintenance shaft, and I didn't have time to deal with it, but, again, that was a minor inconvenience. I found an old cable that had probably been lying around since the park was abandoned, and started to climb the pole itself.

Doof 'helped' me by announcing my position to anyone within a forty mile radius. "Oh! You're here already? See, see I knew you'd be on top of things. Well, technically, I'm the one on top of things right now."

Trying to get him to spout useful facts if he was going to talk anyway, I braced myself off, and leaned back, pointing to him, then looking around the park, before starting my climb again.

"Do I see anything? Hmm… I see an abandoned amusement park that could have use a better name when it opened. But that's pretty much it. It's a ghost town out there… or a ghost amusement park, rather."

It didn't take me long to get to the top; his rambling just made it seem like forever. On the bright side, anyone coming after us would be drawn away from Annie, and, likewise, she'd have no problem hearing where we were if she was still in the park.

The trickiest part was trying to figure out how to get my nemesis untied and safely down, without his terrible luck causing one or both of us to fall to an early death. To my surprise, the maintenance hatch at the top of the pole wasn't locked. I managed to untie Doof, and get him into it without any calamity.

"You know, Perry the agent, I hate to be a downer, but this has all the makings of a trap. I mean, I was the bait, and then the conveniently unlocked door, and… I shook my head, and motioned for him to keep climbing down. The long ladder was preferable to climbing down the side of the pole outside with him, but I still wanted him back on solid ground as soon as possible to reduce any chance of sudden plummets to certain doom.

He wasn't wrong though. When we got to the bottom, I found out I'd been mistaken about the door there being barred; it had been welded shut, instead.

The ladder kept going down a ways, and I was still more willing to climb down it than to try to get Doof down the outside of the pole, so down we went.

Eventually, the ladder stopped, and we found ourselves in some sort of maintenance tunnels.

"Wow. So, amusement parks are run from underground? Or is it just old abandoned ones? Maybe this is WHY it's old and abandoned… I wouldn't feel safe on these rides, knowing there was a tunned system under my feet that could collapse at any moment!"

He had a point, but I ignored it as I heard a muffled, "Doof? Who are you talking to? Is Perry with you?"

I ran over to the door, but it was stuck fast. I knocked on it.

"Hey, buddy. Listen, there's a countdown timer in here, my phone doesn't work, and I can't find anything to diffuse."

Doof paled. "A countdown timer?!"

Annie's voice, muffled by a good two inches of metal door, continued, "Yeah. And that's not the weirdest part. There's a com screen in here, and your brother was on it."

What?! Which brother?

She figured out her mistake before I had time to puzzle over it too much. "Know anything about why the mayor would be involved in this, Doof? And why is there such a notable lack of scientists around here?"

So Rodger Doofenshmirtz was involved in this somehow. Weird.

"My brother is involved in this? We're talking about the same guy, here, right? The one that never does anything wrong? The one that everyone adores and caters to? THAT brother?"

"You've only got the one brother, Doof. And as far as everyone adoring him, I can't agree to that."

I couldn't either, but it wasn't important at the moment. I tapped the door to let Annie know they were getting sidetracked.

"Right, sorry. Possible bombs are our first priority. Can you guys get out?"

Doof and I both looked around at the little room. He walked over to a door, tried it, then came back. "Well, technically. How much time do we have?"

"The timer says we've still got fifteen minutes."

He slapped his forehead. "Fifteen minutes?! We'll never make it out in time! What are we going to do?"

I tapped the door again. "There's no way out from this side either. I take it the bombs not just sitting there, waiting for you to diffuse it?"

"There's hardly anything here… we're gonna die! Good thing I wrote my will."

I rolled my eyes and pulled the paper out of my pocket, and stuck it in his face, pointing at the bit at the bottom. He squinted at it. "Perry the agent, when did your writing get so terrible? Oh wait… this is my writing! That makes more sense. Huh? Oh yeah… the guy with the chainsaw who meticulously trapped us down here so he could blow us up. What a creep!"

I chose not to bring up all those times he'd tried to do away with me. After all, he'd only meant a few of them. While he talked, I started to work on the door Annie was trapped behind. She was already working on it from the other side. I considered starting in on the other door, but I wouldn't be sure which way we were going until I could get a good look at both rooms.

"Anyway, I actually have no idea what's going on, but the chainsaw guy was denied membership into L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. for being too unstable. And I mean, obviously he is, right? But I can't really blame him. Actually, I can't help but feel sorry for the guys. He's got a really tragic backstory."

Annie's voice was concerned, "He does?"

Doof nodded, staring down at his feet like the backstory was painful for him to retell. "You see, his last name is Cupcake. And his first name is so bad, nobody even knows it."

"… That's his backstory?"

Doof shrugged. "Pretty much. What, isn't that bad enough? You try growing up with a name like 'cupcake', and having all the kids tease you. I would know. But at least when people don't shorten it, my name sounds impressive. Doctor Doofenshmirtz doesn't have any playground bullies making fun of his funny name now! But Dr. Cupcake? It sound's like something you'd eat with a soda."

Annie sighed. "I take it that was when he decided to go out of his way to appear frightening?"

Doof nodded. "Yep. Poor guy. Sure, he looks menacing, but doesn't it kind of take the edge off when you say, "Dr. Cupcake chased us with a chainsaw."

I couldn't stop the smirk.

"See? SEE? That's his problem. Not even carrying around a chainsaw makes him sound scary."

"Why didn't he just change his name?"

He crossed his arms, and scoffed at the door like that was ridiculous. "It's the principle of the thing! Obviously he's taking the only futile option open to him. It's what makes it all so tragic."

Annie sighed. "That's the real reason they wouldn't let him into the club, wasn't it?"

He shrugged again. "Pretty much. We couldn't have him introducing himself as Dr. Cupcake from L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. … that would just make us all look bad."

I rolled my eyes as the door finally pushed open. I nodded at Annie as I scoped out the room she'd been in. There were a few more buttons and consoles, but there wasn't much more useful than the room we'd been in, and the red, glowing numbers were ticking down from twelve minutes.

We were running out of time.


End file.
